These blog posts leading up to Father’s Day are dedicated to all of the guys trapped in this infertility adventure with us and especially to Philip Cottraux whom I’ve never met in person but I’m pretty sure bears no resemblance whatsoever to Homer Simpson.
I love when Judge Judy has a case where a woman is suing her ex and going on and on about how irresponsible and useless he is. Judge Judy’s response is always the same:
“So what do you want from me? You picked him!”
The vast majority of infertility blog readers are women, likely because the vast majority of infertility blog writers are women. I’m sure that comes as a huge surprise to not one person. There are a lot of daddy bloggers now, but not nearly as many writing about infertility. I guess there a lot more guys proud of their kids than their low-sperm count. Go figure.
Infertile women generally have a short agenda when we blog or post on social networks:
1) Kvetch (complain) to other infertile women
2) Help other infertile women
Kvetch and help…Help and kvetch. Sometimes we think we’re helping, but we’re really kvetching. Other times, we know we’re not helping and just want to kvetch.
So this time each year, I like to pay a little more attention to the men in our lives. We all know that Mother’s Day is no picnic when you’re trying to conceive. I imagine Father’s Day is the same for them. Of course, most of them will never publicize that.
The last time I wrote about how men feel during the madcap infertility adventure was when I was going through fertility treatments myself. I did some investigative reporting on my husband in an attempt to get the deepest insight into the innermost thoughts and feelings of the male half of a couple. I put on my best Barbara Walters /Oprah Winfrey face (is there such a face?) and aimed my most probing questions right at him while he checked his email on his phone:
“How do you really feel about Father’s Day?”
“How does all this make you feel as a man?”
“How do you feel as a husband watching your wife-the most wonderful person you’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing- go through treatments month after month?”
“How do you feel at family functions when there are kids running around everywhere?”
“How do you feel when people ask you why we don’t have kids yet?”
I taped the whole session, took copious notes, stacked them all up in one big pile, got my calculator, and then entered the data I had amassed which really wasn’t that massive and actually was a complete waste of time considering that his answer to every single question was:
“I don’t know what to tell you. I never really thought about it.”
So I’m sure this whole infertility thing weighs heavily on men…Even more so, I’m certain, if modern medicine declares that their body is the culprit. But most of them, from my experience anyway, won’t actually tell you they’re sad or depressed or frustrated about the whole damn thing. They’re usually not part of the “kvetch and help” brigade like we are.
So in these weeks leading up to Father’s Day, I think every woman should ditch the notion of getting into his head to find out what he really feels about all this infertility crappola unless he volunteers to discuss… and just show extra love and appreciation for the guy you picked and remember why you picked him. And if your answer is: “I’ve never really thought about it.” Please…we’re women…Of course you have.
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