Getting pregnant naturally is like the Easter egg hunts I remember as a child: The millions of sperm are just like the millions of unruly kids. Everybody’s pushing everybody else out of the way vying for that one shiny egg.
(If you’ve been confused about what ICSI is: ICSI is that annoying parent who steps in to help push because they think that they’re 12 year old is too incompetent to get to the egg on their own.)
When you’ve been trying to get pregnant, people can relate to that. Maybe they themselves tried for a month or two and it wasn’t until month four when they finally conceived. Or maybe they got pregnant the first weekend they tried but their sister or best friend wanted to get pregnant as soon as she was married but “struggled” for six months. So whether directly or indirectly, people have lived through that. But then when you move into the neighborhood of: “I’ve been trying for a year or five years or ten years and I’ve been to a Reproductive Endocrinologist, and I’ve had a test to see if my tubes are open and I might have endometriosis or PCOS…” Once you start to get into the mechanics of your innards- what strangers in labs are probing and things that cause you to miss work… most people mentally drift off. Even the ones who are interested and supportive, most of them don’t really understand what you’re talking about. If you’ve ever wanted to tell them what a day in your life as someone trying to get pregnant is really like but you are just too emotionally drained or too private a person to go into it… Well, I have a new essay in Pregnantish Magazine at the link below that might help. In fact, it’s called: “What IVF is Really Like: A Day in the Life”. See if any of it rings a bell.
What IVF Is Really Like: A Day in the Life
And one last thing…
Have you taken a look at my book? Recommended by renowned infertility professionals around the U.S. and abroad. Now available in eBook & paperback. (Amazon/ B & N / Kobo) https://www.amazon.com//dp/0692950117/
Do you ever feel awkward around people who you feel you have nothing in common with? Now that I’ve lived in the southern part of the U.S. for more than a decade, I’ve felt a little less weird about it. But having lived in New York– the suburbs and then the city– my entire life, it was quite an adjustment when we first moved here. I remember when we first arrived, it felt like all of the conversations included church, everybody owned a gun, and my husband and I were the only ones who cursed. So here I am, 10+ years later, I’m still me, but the conversations around me startle me a little bit less. Enter Sarah’s Laughter.
Sarah’s Laughter is a non-profit faith-based infertility+ support organization. Does this look like some place that would want anything to do with me? Turns out, they’ve been around a long time just loving, helping, supporting, & yes, praying for people dealing with infertility & related ordeals. I did a podcast interview on their site. Maybe it’s just me, but despite the name of the organization, religion & humor doesn’t sound like peanut butter & jelly or fish & chips. I was scared to death. Would I be asked “religious” questions? Would I be able to get through it without uttering a profanity? What if I said something that isn’t a profanity to me, but it is to them? I was bound to let something slip in vain. All in all… Come have a listen@ http://podcast.sarahs-laughter.com/episode-59-laughing-is-conceivable-lori-shandle-fox
And if you would like to purchase my book (not riddled with profanity, but certainly containing a few more than in the podcast) Available on Amazon, Kobo, & Nook. Comments by renowned fertility professionals inside.
Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman’s Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility
One of the way infertility ruins our life is that it’s sneaky. It toys with us emotionally, physically, financially & in every other way but it does it so cleverly, little by little, that we barely notice it’s taken us over completely, body, mind, heart, & soul. The damn thing is a cult. And one of the first aspects of our life that infertility gets its grimy clutches into is our love life. One day you’re walking hand in hand along the sun-kissed beach, the warm breeze of the ocean blowing your hair against his face. The next you’re walking hand in hand into a fluorescent lit examination room, lifting yourself with one hand onto the table and holding your backless gown shut with the other so you won’t flash passersby if it catches the breeze from the a/c . “What the hell just happened?” All of a sudden,just like that, our warm, lovey-dovey, kissy-kissy partnership has turned into somewhat of a business partnership: “Well we have to have sex by Tuesday. Wednesday of the latest. Ideally if we could meet up on both days… Are you available at 4 on Tuesday and 7:15 on Wednesday? 7:30 after Jeopardy! in the bedroom? That’ll be fine. See you then.”
This week’s post: “Infertility & Romance. Romance? What Romance?” can be found at IRMS Reproductive Medicine at St. Barnabas’ blog– thanks to the lovely Dr.Serena H. Chen who allows me to sully their blog with my two cents. http://www.sbivf.com/blog/infertility-romance-romance-what-romance/
Please take a look at my very own personal infertility / IVF journey in my own warped point of view in my book.- Available in paperback & eBook. (Amazon, Kobo, Nook.)
Valentine’s Day is the perfect holiday for people trying to conceive. I know you think I’m about to go into the importance of rekindling our romance. Yeah yeah… I’ll get to that in a minute. But first and foremost:
Infertility Groundhog Day is almost upon us. Infertility Groundhog Day is much like regular Groundhog Day. If you’re not in the U.S. or Canada and are unfamiliar with Groundhog Day, you’re really missing out. Every February 2nd, if this groundhog in Pennsylvania sees his shadow, it is considered a prediction that we will have six more weeks of winter. If he doesn’t see his shadow, it means an early spring. Infertility Groundhog Day is similar. If the groundhog sees his shadow, it means six more weeks of infertility. If he doesn’t see his shadow, it means things will be blooming sooner than later. And for most of us, the groundhog feels about as good as a predictor of what we can expect next as just about anything anybody else has told us.
But let’s face it: Most of us who are going or have gone through infertility can relate less to the holiday and more to the Bill Murray movie variety of Groundhog Day.
Like most people going through infertility online, when I first read all of the abbreviations in people’s posts, I found it daunting. I mean I knew most of the medical ones: IUI, IVF FET… (I found out about the last one the hard way… by going through it.) But I had to scramble around googling and infiltrating various infertility groups to reveal the hidden meaning behind the conversational abbreviations: BFP, BFN, AF, DH.
Then people started to mix the medical abbreviations and the conversational abbreviations with texting chatter. Continue reading
I think one of the biggest problems with making New Year’s Resolutions is that we don’t know ourselves at all. So we take our goals to La La Land. Like people who vow to go to the gym four times a week to replace their habit of going to the drive-thru four times a week. Is that really going to happen? New Year’s Day this year was on a Monday. So, Thursday they went to McDonald’s. Friday they went to Wendy’s. Saturday they went to Arby’s. Sunday they went to KFC. Then Monday thru Thursday they went to the gym. And if we’re not all or nothing, we’re half-assed. Like we go to Burger King and then the gym. Or we join Planet Fitness, work out for twenty minutes then have three slices of their complimentary pizza on the way out the door. At least we could show some valid compromise: Make Sunday our Chick-Fil-A day since they’re closed.
Sometimes with trying to have a baby we take our goals to La La land. I’m all for optimism and positive thinking… but not La La land. La La land is for those quiet moments when you’re driving and hear Brad Pitt whisper into your ear how fabulous you look over there driving with no make-up, a ponytail you haven’t taken out for two days and your husband’s sweats, (Now back to our originally scheduled post.) Continue reading
Humor, comedy– whatever you call it– people who write or say funny things on a daily basis do it to help themselves and those around them process those millions of microscopic bits of life that compound to make huge bits of life. Humor tries to make sense of all of the anger, fear, stress and uncertainty. There are all of these complex, giant issues in this world and in our own personal lives that are wrapped up in other complex issues… Somehow if we can tidy up something so massive into one comedic movie or even one joke, the issue, whether it be infertility or global warming, for at least that moment, shrinks down into one tidy, manageable, byte-size package that doesn’t overwhelm us. In the January/February 2018 edition of Carolina Woman, I have an article entitled: “The Healing Power of Laughter”. There’s stuff about me being “stalked” on the NYC subway, and a funny dentist. It’s what we all deep-down want in life, isn’t it? A funny dentist?
And if you’d like to start 2018 with some infertility-related laughs, please check out my book. It’s recommended by renown infertility professionals around the U.S. & is available on Amazon, Nook, & Kobo. https://www.amazon.com//dp/B007G9X19A/
To read my article in the winter edition of Carolina Woman, come on over: http://carolinawoman.com/body_2018_01.php
Happy Holidays to Everyone!!
Do you guys know what a “holiday schedule” is? I had no idea. That is, until I went to the dentist a few weeks ago. Between their gabby hygienists and their little doorless cubicles with the half walls, it’s amazing how much you can learn just by going to the dentist and being a good eavesdropper. It’s also astonishing how we may all come from different places, different cultures, and different traditions, and yet when we’re dealing with infertility during holiday time, and then we all get together online or in person to compare notes, we find that our experiences are all eerily similar. No matter who, where or how… we all have relatives who seem to fall into certain categories: “The Inquisitor”, “The Clueless”, “The Jokester”.
Dr. Serena H. Chen at St. Barnabas IVF- IRMS Reproductive Medicine was kind enough to let me horn in on their blog this week, so for the rest of this post, please join me there: http://www.sbivf.com/blog/
Looking for more laughs while navigating infertility & the holidays at the same time? My book is now available in both eBook & paperback on Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Kobo (eBook)