I think one of the biggest problems with making New Year’s Resolutions is that we don’t know ourselves at all. So we take our goals to La La Land. Like people who vow to go to the gym four times a week to replace their habit of going to the drive-thru four times a week. Is that really going to happen? New Year’s Day this year was on a Monday. So, Thursday they went to McDonald’s. Friday they went to Wendy’s. Saturday they went to Arby’s. Sunday they went to KFC. Then Monday thru Thursday they went to the gym. And if we’re not all or nothing, we’re half-assed. Like we go to Burger King and then the gym. Or we join Planet Fitness, work out for twenty minutes then have three slices of their complimentary pizza on the way out the door. At least we could show some valid compromise: Make Sunday our Chick-Fil-A day since they’re closed.
Sometimes with trying to have a baby we take our goals to La La land. I’m all for optimism and positive thinking… but not La La land. La La land is for those quiet moments when you’re driving and hear Brad Pitt whisper into your ear how fabulous you look over there driving with no make-up, a ponytail you haven’t taken out for two days and your husband’s sweats, (Now back to our originally scheduled post.) Continue reading
Humor, comedy– whatever you call it– people who write or say funny things on a daily basis do it to help themselves and those around them process those millions of microscopic bits of life that compound to make huge bits of life. Humor tries to make sense of all of the anger, fear, stress and uncertainty. There are all of these complex, giant issues in this world and in our own personal lives that are wrapped up in other complex issues… Somehow if we can tidy up something so massive into one comedic movie or even one joke, the issue, whether it be infertility or global warming, for at least that moment, shrinks down into one tidy, manageable, byte-size package that doesn’t overwhelm us. In the January/February 2018 edition of Carolina Woman, I have an article entitled: “The Healing Power of Laughter”. There’s stuff about me being “stalked” on the NYC subway, and a funny dentist. It’s what we all deep-down want in life, isn’t it? A funny dentist?
And if you’d like to start 2018 with some infertility-related laughs, please check out my book. It’s recommended by renown infertility professionals around the U.S. & is available on Amazon, Nook, & Kobo. https://www.amazon.com//dp/B007G9X19A/
To read my article in the winter edition of Carolina Woman, come on over: http://carolinawoman.com/body_2018_01.php
Happy Holidays to Everyone!!
Do you guys know what a “holiday schedule” is? I had no idea. That is, until I went to the dentist a few weeks ago. Between their gabby hygienists and their little doorless cubicles with the half walls, it’s amazing how much you can learn just by going to the dentist and being a good eavesdropper. It’s also astonishing how we may all come from different places, different cultures, and different traditions, and yet when we’re dealing with infertility during holiday time, and then we all get together online or in person to compare notes, we find that our experiences are all eerily similar. No matter who, where or how… we all have relatives who seem to fall into certain categories: “The Inquisitor”, “The Clueless”, “The Jokester”.
Dr. Serena H. Chen at St. Barnabas IVF- IRMS Reproductive Medicine was kind enough to let me horn in on their blog this week, so for the rest of this post, please join me there: http://www.sbivf.com/blog/
Looking for more laughs while navigating infertility & the holidays at the same time? My book is now available in both eBook & paperback on Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Kobo (eBook)
We all know that holidays can be tough for people dealing with infertility. We brace ourselves for getting attacked from all sides: Family, friends, coworkers… Even though it’s almost always unintentional, everybody throws their kids in your face with great enthusiasm: They’ll tell you what they’re buying the kids for Christmas or Hanukkah. They’ll ask your opinion on what to buy them. They’ll take the adorable items out of the bag and show them to you. They’ll scroll through the photos on their phone and narrate every single one: “This is their first Christmas.” “This is the first Christmas that they understood what was going on.” “This is the first Hanukkah where they didn’t put the dreidel in their mouth. It’s the first Hanukkah we didn’t have to do The Heimlich Maneuver.” But for me, over the many years before, during and after my bout with infertility and IVF, the worst torture is the one that comes in the mail. Has anyway ever sent you an “Our Year-in-Review” card?
So you think you dread the holidays this year because you’re dealing with infertility? How about before you were dealing with infertility? I truly believe that many many people- those with normally functioning reproductive systems included- either dread or at least would rather not go to these family soirees and there’s one main reason: Expectations: Either we fear that our holiday gatherings won’t live up to what we expect. Or, even worse: They will.
“My Co-Workers are like Family”
Why do people think that’s a good thing? So you’re telling me that you get on each other’s nerves, push each other’s buttons, talk behind each other’s backs, and hold eternal grudges?
Mercifully, most of our extended real family, the ones with whom we spend holidays, are people we don’t see that often. So whatever idiocies are said at the big family gathering.:
“I really think you should start having children. You’re not getting any younger.”
Or our response:
“I really think you should stop talking. You’re not getting any smarter.”
…are said and then we all get into our respective cars, gripe to anyone unfortunate enough to be trapped in the vehicle with us for the long & getting-longer-by-the-minute-ride-home, or a BFF on the other end of the hands-free. Then we rehash the emotional leftovers in our minds and to our spouses for the next 12 months. It’s different after the company holiday event.
Quick Note: My eBook is now (finally, mercifully) in paperback. Regular price- $9.99 USD. New launch price through November- $8.49
The eBook is also on sale this month. Usually $4.99/now $3.99. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0692950117
(Contact me directly for orders of 5 books or more-I’ll hook ya up.) Now back to our regularly scheduled blog.
So I started chatting with someone online who had written a new book called: Down the F’n Tubes: An Ode to Fertility Futility. I’m really big on titles. I love a good play on words and phrases and can’t think of one that would better sum up the feelings of anxiety and frustration of infertility than that one. (Is it too late to change my book title?) Unlike most infertility books, this one isn’t written by a medical professional or “the woman” but “the couple”. I cyber sat down with “the couple”, Tom and Virginia Hanada for an interview. Continue reading
People love to say that history repeats itself. I don’t love to say it, but I’m living proof. (In about 3 minutes, you’ll find out why I’ve lately grown to hate the word “proof”‘s guts.) I went through my own infertility adventure a while ago. Suddenly I find myself going through it again… without really going through it.
“If Walmart had a fertility clinic” I admit. There are several disturbing elements in that title. I will calm some of your fears right here by saying this post won’t have much to do with the ongoing fashion show at Walmart. You don’t need me. You have your own eyes and YouTube for that. Although, I do think the mentality when we’re getting dressed to go to a fertility clinic is similar as to when we’re going to Walmart:
“Who cares what I wear to Walmart? At least half of the shoppers will look worse.”
“Who cares what I wear to the fertility clinic? Ten minutes into the visit, I’ll be in a backless couture hospital gown with my ass hanging out.”
So, dressing for infertility or Walmart success notwithstanding– Walmart has eye centers. So why not fertility centers? The best part would be that they could run them just like they run their seasonal items. In and out. No delays. Fast and furious. Bathing suits are gone in June. School supplies are done in July and on to the Halloween candy because you know everyone wants to get a jump on their Halloween candy buying. I’m sure that August bag of candy is just laying around the house unopened waiting for October. (I wonder how many people actually finish the candy on the way home and turn around and head back to the store. I mean, it’s August. You can’t take a chance on it melting in the trunk.)
Well, why not a fertility clinic at Walmart? In and out. No delays. Fast and furious. No waiting ten days for your first consultation. No waiting until next month to try the next procedure. No two week wait to find out if you’re pregnant. Here’s the schedule at Walmart’s Minute Fertility Clinic:
Monday 8am: First and only appointment. You say “hi” to Dr. Total Stranger and tell her everything you can think of about your menstrual cycle and your sex life, editing out only the parts about the whipped cream and the crack in the windshield. While you’re chatting, a nurse takes blood out of your arm and sperm out of your spouse and then tosses away her latex gloves and goes to lunch. You then proceed onto the examination table behind the curtain. The doctor directs you to open up and say “aaah”. You ask how everything looks. You probe her mind. She probes everything on that diagram in sixth grade Health class. You swallow a handful of fertility drugs that your spouse picked up at the pharmacy while you’re on the table as the doctor stares at your ovaries to see if the pills have taken effect. She decides you need IUI. She uses something from Housewares to shoot your spouse’s sperm up north. You leave the Minute Fertility Clinic, go to Subway next door and have a sandwich then return to the clinic. If you’re still not pregnant, the doctor does an egg retrieval, sprinkles in some of the spouse’s sperm for IVF and then sends the combo into your uterus. Now is the hard part: The 2hw: The two hour wait. You get a flu shot. You go into the pharmacy area, kick off your shoes and stand on Dr. Scholl’s machine. You peruse the trial size aisle. You could take your blood pressure if Walmart hadn’t replaced the machine with a garbage can last year. (A simple matter of priorities.) You buy some non-perishable comfort food and return to the clinic. Success! You’re pregnant! You’ll return next week to buy maternity clothes, pick up your “It’s a boy/girl!” cake at the bakery, and stop in at the Walmart Ob/Gyn to deliver the baby on your way out.
Hey…Thanks so much for stopping by! I hope you had a few laughs while you were here. If you’d like more laughs at infertility’s expense, please sign on to my newsletter http://laughingisconceivable.com (top) and check out my little book: Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman’s Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility. (It’s been downloaded by 1000s & is recommended by top fertility professionals around the U.S.) Available on all Amazons, Nook, & Kobo & in Spanish as La Risa ES Concebible. https://www.amazon.com//dp/B007G9X19A/
Can you believe it’s Infertility State Fair time again already?! Let’s go everybody!
My husband and I have been going for the past three years. Our admission ticket is $15,000, and that’s because we bought it online in advance. Continue reading