Every year at this time, it is a tradition to re-post this. 50% nostalgic tradition. 50% lazy tradition. But a tradition nonetheless. Hope you enjoy it! xo
I’ve never hidden the fact that I love the autumn and every corny thing associated with it: Football (not the least bit corny), Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (cool with many corny parts), fall foliage.
So in the past, I’ve written about going through infertility later in life (“The Autumn of My Fertility”) and spooky infertility stories for Halloween.
I can’t see what could possibly be left to write about that’s autumn-related except, of course the obvious: Charlie Brown.
This long lost Charles M. Schulz classic, “It’s Infertility Charlie Brown!” was shown on TV for years in between the Halloween and Thanksgiving specials. I can’t believe you haven’t seen it.
I’m not ridiculous enough to suggest that Lucy Van Pelt grew up and battled infertility. With that attitude of hers, likely the only men who would even talk to her would be chiropractors and orthopedists looking for an explanation as to why their patients are in such terrible shape. Namely: Charlie Brown for ailments caused by decades of her pulling away that damn football and Schroeder being hunched over the piano to avoid looking at her shamelessly flirting with him. Then again there are lots of men who seem to adore crabby women: Remember Bridezillas?
Here’s the episode in its entirety. It takes place in the classroom. Hope you don’t have a Peanuts allergy. (ar ar ar):
I present to you: “It’s Infertility, Charlie Brown!”
Teacher: Today, boys and girls we are going to be discussing “Infertility”. (Peanuts Translation: “Wa wa wa wa wa”).
I know that several of your parents have had fertility treatments. Can any of you tell me if they were successful? (“Wa wa wa wa wa wa wa?”)
Marcie: I got a sister.
Violet: I got a brother.
Franklin: I got boy/girl twins.
Charlie Brown: I got a rock.
Peppermint Patty: Good one Chuck.
Teacher: There can be many reasons for a couple’s infertility: Weight, medical issues, low sperm count, age. As for your parents… I think being invisible is the likely cause. (Wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa)
Charlie Brown: Ma’am? Could you tell me ma’am?
Teacher: What is it now, Charlie Brown? (“Wa wa wa wa wa?!”)
Charlie Brown: Ma’am if we were created in 1950, how are we only somewhere around eight years old?
Teacher: Have your parents ever mentioned freezing their embryos, Charlie Brown? (Wa wa wa wa wa wa wa?)
Charlie Brown: The thing is Ma’am- Do we even have parents? What I mean is, Ma’am: Don’t we kind of live by ourselves? Like when Linus stays out all night in the pumpkin patch every Halloween waiting for the Great Pumpkin, his sister Lucy always goes out to get him in the middle of the night and she’s not that much older than he is. And I’ve been wearing the same shirt for over sixty years. And my little sister Sally’s hair has just kind of been stuck like that forever and none of us can get it down. And Pig-Pen hasn’t taken a bath once through eleven presidential administrations. And Peppermint Patty wears her open-toed sandals outside all year long, even in the Valentine’s Day special and that’s in February. And Linus’ blanket has NEVER been washed. And Marcie hasn’t been to an optometrist since 1968. And Snoopy eats turkey on Thanksgiving with his bird friend Woodstock and nobody ever tells him how wrong that is. And nobody’s ever told Schroeder to sit up straight while he’s playing the piano. And Lucy takes money for giving psychiatric advice without a license and nobody ever tells her how wrong that is either.
Lucy: You Block Head!
Charlie Brown: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh
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