First day of school: It’s so hard for any kid. Monday morning was a very hard morning for all of us… The only thing I don’t get– Yes, it was the first day of school, but not for my kids. Their school started a month ago.
So why then, this Monday morning of all mornings, did one child sit on the steps for a half hour crying and making that repetitive droning sound like he’s doing an impression of my vacuum cleaner (and a very good impression, I might add) because he didn’t know what to wear, while another refused to brush her hair saying she had no idea where her brush was? Of course, the third child was well-behaved. There always has to be a well-behaved child if only to show-up the others. It’s never the same child by-the-way. Just like a pitcher can’t pitch two days in a row. Each child needs a day or two off to rest from being well-behaved. It’s a rotation. They take turns being “Kiss-ass for a day”.
On this particular Monday, however, I did have a third misbehaved child played beautifully by my husband who chased the brushless girl around the living room with scissors threatening to give her a haircut should her brush not magically appear in the next thirty seconds. And I sensed by the venom in his eyes that he wasn’t planning to deep-condition or blow dry like the salon does… or even let her sit in a chair. Even Great Clips lets you sit in a chair. No, he clearly was fantasizing about hoisting this eleven year old off the floor by her raggedy locks and dangling her over the couch so she and her new bob would have a soft place to land.
I still can’t figure out why my kids were so miserable on other kids’ first day of school. Wait. I got it. You know how guys sometimes have sympathy pains when their spouse is pregnant? They start craving things and get heart burn? Maybe it’s like that. Maybe my kids (and husband) are so compassionate and sensitive towards others… okay, forget it. I can’t even type the whole thing in good conscience.
In fact, come to think of it, everyone didn’t turn back into their normal jovial selves until we’d arrived at the bus stop and my husband proposed a new game:
“Of all the kids you know who are starting middle school today, who do you think will get their ass kicked first?
“Sammy The-Know-It-All” got voted number one unanimously. What this kid lacks in intelligence he makes up for in obnoxiousness.
Teacher: “Who can name all 7 continents?”
Sammy: “Asia, North America, Europe… oh and Fun Fact!: Mrs. Stern, I bet you didn’t know that Antarctica was originally….”
Let’s face it: Any 11 year old who readily blurts out: “Fun Fact!” is a prime candidate for an ass-whoopin’. And you can almost guarantee that when they have Meet-the-Teachers, Sammy’s parent will be the first to correct the teacher, typically on something that couldn’t possibly matter less.
Teacher: “And when the kids finish lunch at 1:25…”
Parent: “Don’t they have lunch only until 1:23? I believe they’re already lined up by 1:25.”
In my experience: The apple usually doesn’t fall far from the know-it-all tree.
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Laughing IS Conceivable: From End of School to Back-to-School. (I love my kids. I love my kids. I LOVE MY KIDS!”)