Dedicated to the men and women who risk their lives every day protecting the Countries they serve.
(Whom do YOU want to grill? See details below.)
For those of you not in the U.S., our Memorial Day weekend is a time to commemorate all of the men and women of the armed forces who have lost their lives serving our Country.
Then there’s the “other” Memorial Day weekend. While thousands gather at ceremonies to honor those courageous men and women, thousands of others gather around beaches, barbecue grills and shopping malls to honor their ability to sit in traffic for five hours to get to a beach forty-five minutes a way, to drink their weight in beer- a feat which is then celebrated by shooting off fireworks or a body part, to eat twice their weight in potato salad, and to trample other bargain-hunters at the mall in hopes of scoring a “buy one, get one free” bra.
For a long time I have been pondering (call it plotting if you’d rather) how and when people going through the anger, anxieties, and despair could get back at all of their neighbors, family, and other random acquaintances who, every time they see you, casually grill you like a burger on Memorial Day weekend on the most personal, “I-really-don’t-want-to-talk-about-it-with-you-of-all- people” matters in your life.
We all have people in our lives that put us into a niche. Some do it for nosy, superior attitude, hateful reasons, but a lot of them just do it to avoid awkward silences when you occasionally run into them. They have that go-to title for you to use as a conversation starter. I’ve been: “The New Yorker”, “The Jewess”, and the “Infertile Woman” (I’m sure “Sarcastic Bitch who never lets you get in a word edgewise” is in there somewhere too). So when you see these people, if you’re “the infertile person” in their lives, that’s where the conversation is headed if you don’t stop it.
“So, are you trying to have a baby?”
“You’ve been married for a while, don’t you want kids?”
“Maybe you just need to go away and relax. My cousin’s a travel agent. I can call her and tell her your situation.”
“Don’t you like kids?”
“You probably shouldn’t be waiting this long to have a baby. I mean, you are nearing 35.”
“You’re not going for those treatments are you? I mean if it’s not meant to be…”
So, I thought, when better than Memorial Day weekend to return the favor? Invite a few of your most annoying neighbors, relatives, and friends up to your back deck and sear their asses to the barbecue…then wedge a spatula under them, flip ’em over… and do their other side:
“Hi Martha. So glad you could come. I love your hair. You can’t even tell where it leaves off and the weave begins.”
“Hi Marcus. Do you still have that girlfriend? I haven’t seen her car in the driveway in the afternoon lately…. Whoops. I’m sorry. I just assumed she knew.”
“Hi Denise. Glad you could make it. I wasn’t sure if you were allowed to come across the street when you’re on house arrest.”
“Hi Tracy. Don’t worry. I bought lots of water and ginger ale for Mike so you won’t have to drag his lifeless body home like last year.”
“Hey Dana and Ed! Wow. You guys are still in that sham marriage?”
I mean it’s only polite that you ask people about themselves, don’t you think? You wouldn’t want them to think you were an uncaring neighbor.
Thanks a lot for stopping by! I hope you feel at least a little bit better than you did when you first got here.
So Whom Do YOU Want to Grill? Another BBQ is coming up for July 4th. If you want to really have your independence day (as we do here in the US), send me some grillings of your own of the annoying, frustrating, pains in the ass in your life (just like I did above and Cristy did in the comments) to my email: email@example.com, and I’ll post them here all that week! xo
Meanwhile: If you’d like more laughs at infertility’s expense, please sign on to my newsletter@ http://laughingisconceivable.com
And… I’d really appreciate you taking a look at my eBook: Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman’s Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility. It’s been downloaded by 1000s of people dealing with infertility and looking for a way to de-stress from all of the stuff I mentioned earlier: The emotional, physical, social, & financial anxieties of infertility and its treatments. There are comments by some of the top fertility experts around the U.S. inside. (Available on all Amazons, Nook, & Kobo) https://www.amazon.com//dp/B007G9X19A/