Haircut Time- Nothing But the Best for the Foxes

When we first started taking the kids for haircuts, it was a harrowing experience.  We specifically picked a salon that had videos for them to watch and fun chairs like horseys and police cars for them to sit in during the deed. We traveled miles over mountains and prairies to get to this salon that catered to little kids. And the way it turned out, at least one of those kids owes me some gas money.

Every time we went, we plunked my son on the horsey or jammed him into the fire engine as he started in hysteria-mode then tired himself out and withdrew into catatonia. Good thing. Because the hair cutters in this place keep cutting, no matter what shape your kid is in. If he’d remained in hysteria-mode for the duration of the haircut, he would have ended up looking like he was in a slasher movie. But you can’t ask for a more model customer than one who doesn’t exhale, blink, or move a muscle. True, the emotional toll may have been irreversibly traumatic, but at least I always got my money’s worth on the haircut. My one daughter wanted no part of the horsey, police car etc. She clung to daddy. The stylist proceeded to do his job. Half the hair on the salon floor was from my husband’s arm. My other daughter just sat there and admired herself in the mirror waiting for someone on E! to walk in and offer her her own reality show. All things considered, I think I’d work at a place like that for about five minutes before I’d plunge my shears into my neck.

Now my triplets are 11 and haircuts are still horrible but a different kind of horrible. The following is an excerpt from my little eBook: Laughing IS Conceivable: From End of School to Back-to-School. (Available on all Amazons. Free @Kindle Library.

The Haircut of Choice is Whichever One Won’t Grow Out Before School Starts.

When it comes to haircuts for the kids, we go to the shopping center down the block where they have one of those haircut chains. Practically every shopping center down every block in the US has one of those places: Super Clips, Great Clips, Paper Clips whatever the hell it’s called. For twelve bucks a kid, it’s much better than I can do at the kitchen table. (You’d think they’d take a dollar off because I’m giving them three heads to cut, but no, never. Not without an almighty coupon.)

The women who work there are always pleasant enough sort of. Most of them give off the same vibe as the customers: “I’ve got better things to do. Can we get this over with already?” Some of them are very professional and some of them get you into the chair and bark out: “What you want?” like they’re going to yell your request to the guy at the grill behind them. And I’ve stopped trying to remember the names of the women I like. There’s no point. She won’t be there next time. I don’t know if they all quit or go into the witness protection program, but I’ve never seen the same woman working there twice.

They started taking reservations online recently. In an effort to capture the posh market, no doubt. Can a customer dress code be far behind? We’ve done the online reservation many times and someday we might even figure out how to do it for the actual location we go to. Now we just go through the routine of booking it online and showing up ten minutes later to a blank stare behind the counter telling us she has no idea who we are or why we’re there. There’s probably a hairdresser thousands of miles away in Idaho who every two months says: “The Fox family didn’t show up again. Those pranking bastards!” Then again, like I said, I can never remember which “Clips” is the one down the block: Mega Clips, Chip Clips. For all I know, I’ve been using the wrong app for six months. Nothing but the best for the Foxes.

6 thoughts on “Haircut Time- Nothing But the Best for the Foxes

  1. I’m laughing so hard because we’re in the thick of Haircut drama on my end. We just found the shop with the police car AND the flat screen TV. I swear the heavens opened and the angels sang as it was He-Beat’s first haircut without any screaming (I may have confessed my undying love to the barber too).

    She-Beat is like you E! daughter and spent last Saturday getting fawned over by every lady in the shop as they played with her hair. She may have also come more with more candy then we see at Halloween.

    Anyway, I’m shuddering for the next stage. We just found the sweet spot with this process.

    1. Yep, they’re all the same!! At this phase, only my son goes for haircuts. The girls want to leave their hair long. Every time they refuse to brush it, my husband threatens them as he chases them around the house with his electric razor that he gives himself crew cuts with in an attempt to camouflage his ever-expanding bald spot.

  2. Love the part about making reservations online for the wrong location. Did that once when booking a groomer and sent Peter to the wrong PetSmart with Bella.

    1. We once ordered Chinese food for the wrong location. Lloyd went to pick it up and they were like: “What the hell are you talking about?” In all fairness to our ineptitude, we had picked up the take-out menu from that location. They had the wrong ones on the counter.

  3. Even though my experience with my now 29 year old was not quite as dramatic, I can totally relate. And yup I too drove to pick up pizza and got that “lady I got nothing for you” look. The place I had actually ordered it from (and yes when ordering I did confirm they were the ones off 401 etc.) was so far away I would have died of starvation driving there! It was worth the 20 min. wait at the place 5 mins. from where I live. Your posts are hilarious.

    1. It’s amazing how many people have contacted me with stories of their similar episodes of early senility since I posted this. So glad to know it’s not just me! I’m not sure why, but there’s comfort in the thought that so many others are losing their minds at the same time I’m losing mine. xo

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *