Heat up the BBQ: Here We Go Again!

Here in the U.S., this 4th of July weekend, a lot of people spend time barbecuing. (Until I moved to the South, I had no idea that “barbecue” was actually a food instead of just an adjective in front of a food.) Some people call it “grilling”. On this blog, during any such holiday- like I did for Memorial Day weekend, I like to talk about “people grilling”.  It’s not as barbaric as it sounds. It’s probably just a little worse.
 

All of us at some point in our lives have people in our lives who seem to have nothing better to do than grill us on our lives. Is it a superiority thing on their part or are they just scrambling for small talk? I’ve mentioned this before: Sometimes people just give you labels and once you’ve got a label, that’s who you forever are to them and all conversation heads in that direction. You see them coming down the street and you think: “Oh crap. Here we go again.” To them you’re “The childless couple.” That’s your label. I’ve had a million labels in my life: “The Jewish woman”. “The New Yorker”.

There was a story years ago about a Jewish woman who disappeared in Asia. A coworker actually asked me: “Do you know what happened to her?” Luckily I was prevented from saying: “No. We don’t all check in with each other” by another coworker saying: “How the hell would she know?”
I fully acknowledge that this grilling business by relatives, acquaintances, and various busybodies is in no way limited to people dealing with infertility. People grill us on when we’re going to find someone to be with, when we’re getting married, when we’re going to get a job, when we’re going to leave that person, when we’re going to get a better job… and other squirm-inducing topics that are none of their business. But few are quite as hurtful as: “When are you going to have a baby?” You know how people -Hollywood celebrities– sports stars– and just everyday folks love to say: “Give back”? Well, for this holiday week, Deutschlander and Cristy, a couple of my cyber friends have offered to give back to their friends and family exactly what they’ve been giving to them for years. Fire up those barbecues ladies. Let the grilling begin.
To my cousin’s wife:
“Thank you for constantly asking us nosy questions about if and when we want to have kids and then remarking that our house is too big for just the two of us and would be ideal for a family of four. I’ve been wondering, when are you finally going to lose the baby weight. Your children are in their 20’s now, isn’t it about time?”

“Hi coworker who put me on the spot and asked me all about my family planning in front of several other colleagues. How is YOUR sex life since your wife had a baby? How often are you doing it now? Are you using condoms or any contraceptive method? What positions?”

(Dubliner in Deutschland’s blog about well, a Dubliner living in Germany with her husband and their experiences can be found at:  http://dublinerindeutschland.blogspot.de/)

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“Hi Aunt Mable! Yes, I know, I’m not getting any younger. But funny thing is, neither are you. How are those funeral arrangements coming? And which husband are you planning on being buried next to? That whole eternity thing must have a whole new level of meaning for you!”

“Hi Cousin Jenny. Yes, I know you want to give me your kids so I can understand how lucky I am (don’t worry, you’ll still be mom). Was going to ask, don’t the saggy boobs bother you? I mean, it’s clear you lost a cup size after all your pregnancy and they seem to droop a lot. Which must be so said for Stan, because, you know, he’s a self-proclaimed breast man.”

“Hi Frank. Yes, I know, I just should have sex with you to get knocked up. Because clearly my husband isn’t capable to doing the job (even though the issue is with me). But I guess my question is, what happens if we have lots and lots of sex and I’m still not pregnant? I mean, what does that say about you? I’m not so sure I want my baby sister dating a guy who’s sperm may be questionable.”

Is that singeing hair I smell? Okay, grillees, you can go now. I think you’re done.

Cristy’s “Searching for the Silver Lining” blog can be found at: http://searchingforoursilverlining.blogspot.com/

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One thought on “Heat up the BBQ: Here We Go Again!

  1. No one grilling me, though the “do you know what happened to her” question made me think about how we all ridiculously play Jewish geography. (And usually find someone in common.)

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