Infertility & Money: The Day My Uterus became a Money Pit

IVF, well, fertility treatments in general, as most of us know all too well, are costly: Emotionally, physically, and well… monetarily. Ah, infertility & finances. Infertility & money. Bad enough you have to go to all of those appointments and be subjected to proby things put up you and blood siphoned out of you.  Stuff injected, swallowed, inserted or shot into you.

Now, on top of all of that: The damn treatments expect to be paid for.

Infertility & Money & babysitting

When I was going through IVF, I thought about getting a second job, maybe babysitting. How can watching someone else’s kids not be a fun and rewarding experience when you’ve been desperately trying to get pregnant for two years with no sign of success? (Actually, we all know certain kids— spending a few hours with them might make you forget the whole thing.)

Okay, so, nowadays a babysitter makes, what?  At least, forty dollars a night.

Laughing IS Conceivable

So, okay. Let’s say I worked at my regular job every day and worked overtime every night. And then, afterwards, I babysat. Every night. Seven days a week. I’m sure there are lots of couples headed out to have a date night at eleven on a Tuesday evening.

So that would be at least two hundred and eighty dollars a week just from babysitting. At that rate, I could have one round of IVF signed, sealed, and delivered in about ten years. Just from babysitting. Not bad. I’d be ready to start treatments three weeks before I turn fifty-two.

Infertility & Money & a lemonade stand

Or maybe my husband could set up a lemonade stand outside his office on his lunch break.

Why not? On a NYC corner, he could charge eight dollars a cup and nobody would blink. Nobody would buy, but nobody would blink. Well, tourists might buy. And maybe he could wear a thong bikini bottom to bolster business. (Like the young women selling hot dogs, roadside in South Florida used to…That is… until the old women complained their husbands were putting on too much weight… and crashing their cars due to distracted driving.)

Infertility & Money & family (a very short paragraph)

Or we could borrow money from family…Wait, where’d they all just go?

Infertility & Money & Amex

Or we could max out our credit card…if our credit limit hadn’t been dropped from $35,000 to $12.95.

Infertility & Money & a bake sale

Or we could do a bake sale. How many chocolate chips do you need to make $20,000 worth of cookies? I’ll probably need a bigger bowl.

Infertility & Money & online shopping

Or we could sell stuff on e-bay. If I can find a way to market old crap as nostalgia.

Infertility & Money & whoring my BA

Or we could barter. I have a degree in Foreign Languages. Do you know a Reproductive Endocrinologist who could use $20,000 worth of Spanish lessons?

So, the moral for this week is the moral for every week on this blog: If you’re dealing with infertility in general or IVF in specific: The diagnosis, the treatments, and on top of all that… the financial issues… and you’re worried that you’re losing your mind. Don’t worry. You are.  We all are. With infertility: Abnormality is the norm.

(If you’d like more laughs at infertility’s expense: Please check out my little eBook: Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman’s Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility. 66 Reviews/  4.5 stars from people who don’t know me from a hole in the wall. Also available on Nook & Kobo.) (cover above)

Thanks for stopping by! Hope you feel even just a little bit better than you did when you arrived.


8 thoughts on “Infertility & Money: The Day My Uterus became a Money Pit

  1. I can’t believe a babysitter gets 40 dollars, that’s incredible. I’m kind of glad I’ll never need one: it must be annoying paying that on top of your night out and your taxi and everything. In the 1980s I was happy if I got £5 for a night’s babysitting. Even better if I could find some food in the house (they never left me anything to eat or drink). I suppose with inflation it would be at least £30 now.

    1. I started babysitting at 50 cents an hour. I think the most I ever made as a teenager was like $1 /hr unless it was New Year’s Eve. Parents seemed to come home very late feeling very “generous”. xo

  2. I have thought of this so many times! I already babysit my nephew every week for a very reasonable amount (much less than the quoted $40). I have found myself perusing the employment section, despite my good job, just to make extra money so we can go ahead with IVF. It really does make us all insane.

  3. I like your spirit, but I can see how hard it all is, on top of all the stress of the treatment itself. Hugs. My heart goes out to so many woman like you.
    PS: I don’t have kids either and at 50 plus, it’s too late to try. In India, adoption is a complicated issue for older people and Christians.

  4. haha, I loved those suggestions. Babysitting is a pretty good deal actually. I used to get around 8€ an hour. Sometimes it would be hard work, difficult kids but other times you could watch tv and raid the press for treats

    1. It was a great deal, babysitting! There have been many times in my life when I’ve said: “I aspire to have as much money as I did when I was 14!” xo Thanks for writing.

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