I think one of the biggest problems with making New Year’s Resolutions is that we don’t know ourselves at all. So we take our goals to La La Land. Like people who vow to go to the gym four times a week to replace their habit of going to the drive-thru four times a week. Is that really going to happen? New Year’s Day this year was on a Monday. So, Thursday they went to McDonald’s. Friday they went to Wendy’s. Saturday they went to Arby’s. Sunday they went to KFC. Then Monday thru Thursday they went to the gym. And if we’re not all or nothing, we’re half-assed. Like we go to Burger King and then the gym. Or we join Planet Fitness, work out for twenty minutes then have three slices of their complimentary pizza on the way out the door. At least we could show some valid compromise: Make Sunday our Chick-Fil-A day since they’re closed.
Sometimes with trying to have a baby we take our goals to La La land. I’m all for optimism and positive thinking… but not La La land. La La land is for those quiet moments when you’re driving and hear Brad Pitt whisper into your ear how fabulous you look over there driving with no make-up, a ponytail you haven’t taken out for two days and your husband’s sweats, (Now back to our originally scheduled post.)
A few women whom I know through infertility circles have told me that their goal for 2018 is “have a baby”. Great! Throw it onto your vision boards and into your visualizations, prayers, mirror exercises and whatever else you do. That’s exactly where “have a baby” belongs. It’s a goal, but sometimes I think women make the mistake of putting it on their “to do” list instead. And that’s what has kept so many with this 2018 goal so stressed out for all of 2017 and maybe 2016 and 2015. Let “have a baby” be the prize you keep your eyes on and then be open to all the details of how it unfolds. Yes, it’s so hard to give up control of exactly how things take shape especially when you want something so desperately. But I really believe in taking teeny steps in a positive direction and not worrying whether it’s right or not. I’ve found that if you pay attention and follow your gut, you soon know whether it’s right or not.
So let’s say the first on the “2018 “To-Do” list is: “Find an egg donor”. There you go: Homework. Now, you may get into your egg donor research and by January 26th decide it’s not for you. But during those two weeks you may have talked to someone or gotten back a test result that sparked a new path.
The stress and hormones turn us all into nut-jobs but trusting your gut will keep you from doing any of the following:
“My husband has a low sperm count. This year I’ll get his half-brother drunk &…. I hope the slow sperm thing runs on his mother’s side.”
“My doctor told me I’m having trouble conceiving because of my age. I think I’ll find a different doctor and tell him I’m 28. Or… I did see something on the Discovery Channel about a time machine that worked. Oh wait. That was on the Big Bang Theory… or maybe it was the History Channel. Or…oh yeah… It was the Flintstones.”
“I think my problem getting pregnant is that we’re just too tired to have enough sex. This year we’ll both quit our jobs, buy a convertible, buy a condo in Maui on the beach… wait… What were we talking about?”
“This year, I’m going to find resourceful ways to generate more income so we can finally afford IVF. Hey, I hear egg donors get paid well. Wait, that doesn’t make any sense.”
The idea is to find those teeny steps- those real tasks to keep you from feeling helpless and without direction while remembering: Every infertility success story you’ve ever heard is different than the one before. No two women seem to get there in exactly the same way. So expend no energy on comparing yourself or your situation to theirs as you let your story unfold.
I like yoga. You probably already assumed I did because of my serene blogging demeanor. Like my yoga instructor, I like to eat right and exercise and strive to live a very happy, peaceful, long life. But my yoga instructor, if she practices what she preaches, and I assume she does, does frequent cleanses, is a strict vegan, and never eats junk food which in her world, includes any cooked food. It works for her.
But if I started to eat that way I would live a very happy, peaceful, cleansed, two weeks. Then I’d shoot myself. I know me.
Thanks for stopping by! If you’d like more laughs at infertility’s expense, please check out my book: (Now available also in paperback- The eBook has been downloaded by 1000s of infertility sufferers, and recommended by many top infertility professionals. See their comments in “Look Inside on Amazon below ) Available on Amazon / B & N/ Kobo.
Have a wonderful 2018!