The Land of Infertility is sometimes referred to as: The Land of If. (As in Melissa Ford’s Book: http://www.melissafordauthor.com/navigating-the-land-of-if/)
In the weeks approaching Mother’s Day, we modify it further to: “The Land of ‘What Ifs’. ”
Those who are going through infertility are typically pretty spectacular at conjuring up “What Ifs” at record speed and this year, seeing as the blasted holiday known as Mother’s Day doesn’t occur until the 14th, we’ve had 2 whole weeks to create “What Ifs” specific to Mother’s Day. Well, it’s not such a big deal. After all, how many “What Ifs” can one woman with an infertile body but incredibly fertile mind create in her head in 2 weeks?
Some quick calculations here: 270 per minute, x 60 minutes in an hour x 24 hours in a day, carry the 6, divide by my BMI… Got it. The average woman going through infertility can create 8,626,509 “what if” thoughts in two weeks. And how many are positive thoughts? Quick calculations here… Carry the 4. Subtract my zip code. Divide by my BMI again. Okay, the answer is “zero”. I took a poll (just don’t look for it online) and compiled our top Mother’s Day infertility what ifs and my dollar store advice.
1. …I run into someone I know on Mother’s Day and they say: “Happy Mother’s Day”?
If they don’t know you don’t have kids, you can’t be that kind of close to them. So fuck ’em: Say “You too!”… even if it’s a guy… and keep on walkin’. The last thing you want to do is have an actual conversation with this person.
2. …I feel pressured by my family to go to my mother’s for Mother’s Day?
Drink herbal tea and hear Deepak Chopra’s voice in your head until the feeling passes. Later, you can call your mother from the spa, the gym or the inside of a pint of Edy’s cookies and cream to wish her a happy day.
3. …I actually go out with my family for Mother’s Day like every other year and everyone starts asking me when I’m going to become a mother already?
All of the following are acceptable answers: “I don’t think now’s the right time to discuss it.” “I’d rather not talk about it.” And if they still persist: “I’ll tell you later” and then just don’t, or my favorite: “None of your fucking business. Will you people let it go already?”
4. …I feel depressed the whole day?
See “Edy’s” comment above.
The point is: Just like there’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s peanut butter cup (and I truly believe that with all my heart and soul- like how Oprah always asks: “What do you know for sure?” That’s what I know for sure.), there’s no wrong way to spend Mother’s Day. The only obligation is to yourself. If you want to go out and feed your body and soul at the beach or hiking in the woods or at a spa, great. If you want to hide from the world and be depressed… uh…am I wrong or isn’t that what guilty pleasures were invented for?: Reading your back issues of US magazine, bubble baths, manicures, watching a Real Housewives of Anywhere marathon or using only curse words for 12 straight hours… This weekend… it’s up to you… it’s all about you.
3 things before you head out– (links below)
Check out the bonus Mother’s Day infertility humor post from guest blogger, James Doherty aka Scantily Dad.
“Mother’s Day Post from an Infertile Dad”: http://laughingisconceivable.com/dadsviewofmothersday
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