Mother’s Day Post from an Infertile Dad

Hi everybody! In honor of Mother’s Day,  please help me welcome Guest Blogger, James Doherty. He has a great blog called: Scantily Dad. (Just use the link below if you’d like to check it out. I tried googling “scantily” & unspeakable things came up. My home might be raided any minute.) He and his wife have been through IVF and here’s his unique & quite humorous take on it, & Mother’s Day…. Enjoy! (Alert: children mentioned)

Mother’s Day – An acronym for my infertility journey

To celebrate my wife and I beating the crap out of infertility, I have kindly been given the honour of guest posting for Laughing IS Conceivable. Humour is important for me and I had to try and find humour in the least funny of situations, infertility. The easiest way for me to do this was by creating an acronym that represents my journey through the IVF mill. This is no reflection on my mother or my wife, I swear, so if you read this Oli or Barb, please don’t beat me up.

The acronym for “Mother’s” describes our horrific journey through infertility and IVF. Those nerve-wracking times are thankfully behind us.

The acronym for “Day” is a little more on the positive side and reflects how we got through IVF treatment

MOTHER’S

M stands for Mortified. I was mortified at the fact that my sperm move about as graciously as a Walrus on land.

O stands for Ossified. Being a proud Irish man getting ossified (plastered drunk) was the only way to numb the pain of stopping my wife from being a Mother on Mother’s day. In hindsight, drinking could have been the cause of, and the solution to my infertility problem. Whoops!

T stands for Testicular Ineptitude. It is a sad state of affairs; my testicles are inept. My sperm is about as abnormal as an immigrant on Donald Trump’s board of advisers.

H is for Handjob. How romantic is it that for us to have babies all that I had to do was have a quick handjob.

E is for Ejaculatory dilapidation. Over a decade of eating crap, drinking like a fish and smoking like a chimney has left my sperm in a state of ejaculatory dilapidation.

R is for Ravaged Relationship. Our relationship had been ravaged by the rancorousness of assisted reproductive therapy. Thankfully, we made it through and came out the other side unscathed.

S is for the Shit times. Oh those shitty shit times. Two failed IVF treatments were the shittiest times of our lives. Anyone who has been through it knows just how shit it actually is. When you think you are having a bad day, compare it to failed IVF, and rarely will your day be worse.

DAY- OH HAPPY DAY

D is for Dedication. That’s what it takes to get through the shit times of IVF. You have to keep your eye on the prize. Seeing the bigger picture and being dedicated to the end goal is key to getting through infertility.

A is Appreciation. When everything is so hard and there seems to be no end in sight, it makes the good times feel even better. If you live each day in appreciation of what you have got, then you will be happy for the rest of your life.

Y is for Yes we fucking can. In the words of Barack Obama, with fucking thrown in as intensifying adjective, “YES WE FUCKING CAN” is the only attitude that will get you through infertility and IVF treatment. That attitude is the reason we did not give up and now have twins.

http://scantilydad.com/

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https://www.instagram.com/scantilydad/?hl=de Proud survivor of three IVF treatments, James was born and bred in Dublin Ireland and lives in Berlin, Germany with his twins Max and Mathilda. He is a dad blogger and an influencer that writes about infertility, twins and all things parenthood. The scantily dad blog is the ultimate parenting resource on the internet.

“Thanks, James!”– This is Lori speaking now. If you’d like more laughs at infertility’s expense:

Check out my own new bonus Mother’s Day post:                   “Mother’s Day in the Land of What Ifs”@ http://laughingisconceivable.com/mothersdaywhatifs/

Subscribe to my newsletter at the top of my home page:

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Peruse my eBook: (Isn’t “peruse” an abbreviation for “purchase”):

Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman’s Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility.

https://www.amazon.com//dp/B007G9X19A/

https://www.amazon.co.uk//dp/B007G9X19A/ (Amazon UK)

https://www.amazon.ca//dp/B007G9X19A (Amazon Canada)

Available on Amazon, Kobo, & Nook

 

Back-to-School Shoe Shopping

Ah, Back-to-School shoe shopping time. The annual ritual of my children choosing footwear for me to trip over in the living room for the next six months.

It’s only the best for the Foxes. Payless– Where this time of year the aisles look like, well, like somebody blew up a Payless. Do they have any employees but that one cashier? It’s the cafeteria of shoe stores. You serve yourself then go over to the counter to pay. (Once on the way into the store, I held the door for a lady on the sidewalk. She said: “Thanks but I’m not waiting to go in. I’m in line to pay.”)

backtoschool shoe shopping messy aisle

As you might know I have three children… Triplets in fact. So you would think out of the three, in every situation, even when we go back-to-school shoe shopping, at least one would be normal. And one is. Continue reading

“Optional” Back-to-School Supplies

Without a doubt, “optional” back-to-school supplies are my most favorite back-to-school supplies on the list.

I’ve got to buy for three kids here. Three kids in the same grade. I’m a very generous person: I offer myself the triplet discount every chance I get. The only thing that makes me suck it up and buy at least a few of those things on the lower half of the list is that I don’t want the teachers to get stuck buying them. But as much as I can, when an item is marked: “Optional”, I choose the “No” option. And, I’ll tell you a little secret: Sometimes,  I ignore the words “mandatory items” altogether thus making the entire list of back-to-school supplies “optional”. This is how it works:

long list

Continue reading

Dreaded Back-to-School Supplies list-P1

Where do you keep your dreaded Back-to-School supplies list? I keep my dreaded back-to-school supplies list in my pocketbook–right next to my suicide note. In fact, I don’t even need a suicide note. Anybody who would find my lifeless body face down on the floor of a “superstore” with the crumpled dreaded Back-to-School supplies list in my hand would read it and understand:

back-to-school supplies aisle

 

3- 1 inch binders- red, black, white

4- 1 1/2 inch binders- red, white, green

3- 2 inch binders- light purple, yellow, dark purple

5- packs of mechanical pencils

27 folders–must have plastic covers- 7 blue, 9 orange, 3 pink, 7 polka dot, 1 red, white & blue stripe (will be used for Memorial Day project in May)

1 calculator

1 pair of scissors

1 stapler

2 packs of staples

6 packs of dry erase markers

whatever whatever… whatever whatever… whatever whatever…

Every year, ten minutes into the back-to-school supply shopping excursion, I want to kill myself. But how should I do it? Take the mandatory scissors and stab myself in the neck? No good. I need scissors to open the package of scissors. I’d have to remember to bring my own pair of scissors with me to the store…Would it be considered an assisted suicide if I begged my husband and children to run over me multiple times with my own shopping cart?

To keep myself as sane as I’m ever going to be during this process, I have a clear, organized strategy… Continue reading

Planning a Birthday Party or 2 or 3

Have you ever planned a kid’s birthday party? Or 2? Or 3… at the same time? So this week is my kids’ 10th birthday party. Yeah, notice that apostrophe after “kids”. It’s intentional. There are three of them. Triplets… by design. Not my design mind you… Certainly not my husband’s. Anyway…they’d each like to have their own separate birthday party. Why not? How hard can that be? I’m sure David Tutera could pull it off between commercials. Maybe the three parties can be tied together with a theme: “Authenticity”. I’ll schedule the parties just like the kids were born: All within three minutes.

kids-at-arcade-150x150 thumbnailkids in pool thumbnailplayground-climbing Continue reading