Let’s Hear it for the Boys: & Helen Adrienne

Helen Adrienne is a well-respected therapist in NYC who specializes in individuals and couples dealing with infertility.  So what you’ll be getting from her today will be tried and true sound advice unlike the smart-ass remarks you typically get from me. She talks about both men who have their own fertility issues as well as men dealing with an infertile wife who’s turned into a nutjob. (I don’t think Helen actually uses the word “nutjob” though, but I know from personal experience, that’s exactly what you turn into.)

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Let’s Hear it for the Boys… & Philip Cottraux

Yes– This month– Let’s Hear it for the Boys…. and this week- Philip Cottraux. (I’ll tell you who he is in a minute. Everyone’s so impatient nowadays.)

Women dealing with infertility publicly torment themselves and each other with the torture that is mother’s day. But what about the men and father’s day? Do you think like I think that just because they’re not publicly announcing their anguish doesn’t mean they don’t feel it? Or is this just a woman’s view of what a man is feeling? Are they all like my husband whom I begged and pleaded to “let out all of his bottled up emotions” to which he replied following my ten minute-long tirade: “What are you even talking about”?

So for the next couple of weeks, this here Laughing IS Conceivable blog is going to be all about the boys… and their “boys”. From first-hand accounts from a man with fertility issues who is also the support person for his wife with fertility issues, to a man and adoption, to a therapist talking about the emotional and psychological aspects for a guy dealing with this, to a fertility lab director giving some great technical male fertility info, to an essay where I compare my relationship to my husband to my relationship with my Dad. How could that go wrong? So let me shut up for once, and get you right over to my new cyber friend, Philip Cottraux. So let’s hear it for the boys! I love his story– and this is it:

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“Thank You for Not Being a Schmuck” Month

Although my 84 year old father lived among a lot of couples in his retirement community in Florida, I couldn’t help noticing every time I visited that he spent much more time talking with the women than the men. Finally I decided to ask him why that was: “Well, the wives are all very nice.” He said. “But their husbands are a bunch of schmucks.”

So while we may not be in a position to, or at all interested in, celebrating Father’s Day this year, I propose an alternate holiday:

“Thank You for Not Being a Schmuck” Month.

Your spouse/partner/husband–whatever he is– probably does some things that irritate you. That’s normal, of course. And yet, even with those small annoyances, minor aggravations and colossal pet peeves that drive you up a fkn wall… He’s the one, the only one, you’ve hand-picked to have calendar-induced copulation with and to sire your future children. You know you wouldn’t have your eggs in a freezer, snuggling together for warmth with anyone else’s sperm.

So he’s not perfect…

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Mother’s Day Post from an Infertile Dad

Hi everybody! In honor of Mother’s Day,  please help me welcome Guest Blogger, James Doherty. He has a great blog called: Scantily Dad. (Just use the link below if you’d like to check it out. I tried googling “scantily” & unspeakable things came up. My home might be raided any minute.) He and his wife have been through IVF and here’s his unique & quite humorous take on it, & Mother’s Day…. Enjoy! (Alert: children mentioned)

Mother’s Day – An acronym for my infertility journey

To celebrate my wife and I beating the crap out of infertility, I have kindly been given the honour of guest posting for Laughing IS Conceivable. Humour is important for me and I had to try and find humour in the least funny of situations, infertility. The easiest way for me to do this was by creating an acronym that represents my journey through the IVF mill. This is no reflection on my mother or my wife, I swear, so if you read this Oli or Barb, please don’t beat me up.

The acronym for “Mother’s” describes our horrific journey through infertility and IVF. Those nerve-wracking times are thankfully behind us.

The acronym for “Day” is a little more on the positive side and reflects how we got through IVF treatment

MOTHER’S

M stands for Mortified. I was mortified at the fact that my sperm move about as graciously as a Walrus on land.

O stands for Ossified. Being a proud Irish man getting ossified (plastered drunk) was the only way to numb the pain of stopping my wife from being a Mother on Mother’s day. In hindsight, drinking could have been the cause of, and the solution to my infertility problem. Whoops!

T stands for Testicular Ineptitude. It is a sad state of affairs; my testicles are inept. My sperm is about as abnormal as an immigrant on Donald Trump’s board of advisers.

H is for Handjob. How romantic is it that for us to have babies all that I had to do was have a quick handjob.

E is for Ejaculatory dilapidation. Over a decade of eating crap, drinking like a fish and smoking like a chimney has left my sperm in a state of ejaculatory dilapidation.

R is for Ravaged Relationship. Our relationship had been ravaged by the rancorousness of assisted reproductive therapy. Thankfully, we made it through and came out the other side unscathed.

S is for the Shit times. Oh those shitty shit times. Two failed IVF treatments were the shittiest times of our lives. Anyone who has been through it knows just how shit it actually is. When you think you are having a bad day, compare it to failed IVF, and rarely will your day be worse.

DAY- OH HAPPY DAY

D is for Dedication. That’s what it takes to get through the shit times of IVF. You have to keep your eye on the prize. Seeing the bigger picture and being dedicated to the end goal is key to getting through infertility.

A is Appreciation. When everything is so hard and there seems to be no end in sight, it makes the good times feel even better. If you live each day in appreciation of what you have got, then you will be happy for the rest of your life.

Y is for Yes we fucking can. In the words of Barack Obama, with fucking thrown in as intensifying adjective, “YES WE FUCKING CAN” is the only attitude that will get you through infertility and IVF treatment. That attitude is the reason we did not give up and now have twins.

http://scantilydad.com/

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https://www.instagram.com/scantilydad/?hl=de Proud survivor of three IVF treatments, James was born and bred in Dublin Ireland and lives in Berlin, Germany with his twins Max and Mathilda. He is a dad blogger and an influencer that writes about infertility, twins and all things parenthood. The scantily dad blog is the ultimate parenting resource on the internet.

“Thanks, James!”– This is Lori speaking now. If you’d like more laughs at infertility’s expense:

Check out my own new bonus Mother’s Day post:                   “Mother’s Day in the Land of What Ifs”@ http://laughingisconceivable.com/mothersdaywhatifs/

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