Corn Maze of Infertility

 

 

Corn mazes: They’re one of my favorite parts of Fall. Even though most of them feel a tad gyppy rip-offish and my husband Lloyd and I are notoriously horrible at them. It’s our annual tradition. The sweet smell of corn. The sweet sound of wives yelling at the back of their husbands’ heads: “Will you wave the damn flag already and get us out of here?!” Every year we go to the same corn maze. It’s carved out the same way. We get lost in all the same places. Last year, there had been a lot of storms. The maze was so depleted, I was towering over the stalks. And as you can imagine, at 5’2 1/4″, I don’t get that many towering opportunities. Regardless, it still took us a good hour and a half to navigate our way out. Sure, we could see the exit clearly. We just couldn’t figure out how to get there without intervention- divine or otherwise… Hm… Sounds familiar… Continue reading

Autumn of my Fertility- The Suckiest Season

Autumn of my fertility. I admit, it’s not quite as exciting as autumn itself. Waking up this morning, I didn’t even need to experience the 64 degree temperature first-hand. Just seeing it in the lower left corner of my local TV news was good enough to get me pumped up. Then there was the autumn of my fertility: Getting married at 38 1/2+ and, for an entire year trying to get pregnant naturally by myself (well, not totally by myself. I’m not a complete idiot.) Continue reading

The Time My Big Mouth Got Me into Trouble: Volume 9

Like a good mechanic, a good doctor is hard to find. But fertility doctors seems to be a little bit different. The vast majority I’ve dealt with have been amazing: Very caring. Very dedicated. A few were arrogant asses. They still seemed to be excellent doctors. Just arrogant asses. Unfortunately, I’m not good with arrogant asses… and neither is my big mouth. You’d think by now we’d both be mature enough to just ignore them, but no.

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Let’s Hear it for the Boys… & their “boys”… & Lab Director Carole Wegner

So as most of you know, I’m a humor writer. This means that I’m a professional highly-trained in making smart-ass remarks. Look how good I am at it, even my job description to you contained a smart-ass remark. My entire life, I’ve never been able to help myself from doing it so I finally gave in and made a career of it. That’s why I’m no good on Facebook. People beg you for sympathy and support. Look, my friend Shannon whom I adore posted that she lost 133 pounds. Only she accidentally wrote “ponds”instead of “pounds” so of course everyone else wrote: “Good job!” and “Way to Go!” and I had to write: “Was that water weight, Shannon?” instead of letting it go like a normal person. (I’ve probably been un-friended by more people on FB than anyone else.) So in honor of “Let’s Hear it for the Boys… and their ‘boys'” month, when it comes to male infertility, I thought it best if I just shut-up and let a medical professional tell you some important stuff with some great links to more important stuff… instead of a smart-ass professional telling you why it’s funny… which of course it isn’t. Continue reading

Let’s Hear it for the Boys… & James Doherty

To continue with the “Let’s Hear it for the Boys… and their ‘boys'” June theme, I’m bringing you a post from my cyber friend, James Doherty, an Irishman living with his wife in Germany. As you’ll see, he considers infertility to be the best thing that’s ever happened to him. I don’t know him that well, so now, I’m thinking maybe he’s not quite “right”. I mean how sane can you be if you think infertility is the best thing that ever happened to you? What kind of a life have you had? Where have you lived? What kind of people raised you? Infertility is the best thing that’s ever happened to you??! Haven’t you ever had a birthday party or gone on a trip or gotten a job you really wanted or made some nice new friends or won a raffle??… what about getting married? INFERTILITY is the best thing that’s ever happened to you?! What I mean is: “What’s wrong with you?!!”… Maybe I should just let him tell it.  I’m going to have some herbal tea and lie down.

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A Father’s Day Tribute to Your Future Baby-Daddy

These blog posts leading up to Father’s Day are dedicated to all of the guys trapped in this infertility adventure with us and especially to Philip Cottraux whom I’ve never met in person but I’m pretty sure bears no resemblance whatsoever to Homer Simpson.

 

homer simpson

I love when Judge Judy has a case where a woman is suing her ex and going on and on about how irresponsible and useless he is. Judge Judy’s response is always the same:

“So what do you want from me? You picked him!”

The vast majority of infertility blog readers are women, likely because the vast majority of infertility blog writers are women. I’m sure that comes as a huge surprise to not one person. There are a lot of daddy bloggers now, but not nearly as many writing about infertility. I guess there a lot more guys proud of their kids than their low-sperm count. Go figure.

Infertile women generally have a short agenda when we blog or post on social networks: Continue reading

Mother’s Day in The Land of What Ifs

The Land of Infertility is sometimes referred to as: The Land of If. (As in Melissa Ford’s Book: http://www.melissafordauthor.com/navigating-the-land-of-if/)

In the weeks approaching Mother’s Day, we modify it further to: “The Land of ‘What Ifs’. ”

Those who are going through infertility are typically pretty spectacular at conjuring up “What Ifs” at record speed and this year, seeing as the blasted holiday known as Mother’s Day doesn’t occur until the 14th, we’ve had 2 whole weeks to create “What Ifs” specific to Mother’s Day. Well, it’s not such a big deal. After all, how many “What Ifs” can one woman with an infertile body but incredibly fertile mind create in her head in 2 weeks?

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Mother’s Day Post from an Infertile Dad

Hi everybody! In honor of Mother’s Day,  please help me welcome Guest Blogger, James Doherty. He has a great blog called: Scantily Dad. (Just use the link below if you’d like to check it out. I tried googling “scantily” & unspeakable things came up. My home might be raided any minute.) He and his wife have been through IVF and here’s his unique & quite humorous take on it, & Mother’s Day…. Enjoy! (Alert: children mentioned)

Mother’s Day – An acronym for my infertility journey

To celebrate my wife and I beating the crap out of infertility, I have kindly been given the honour of guest posting for Laughing IS Conceivable. Humour is important for me and I had to try and find humour in the least funny of situations, infertility. The easiest way for me to do this was by creating an acronym that represents my journey through the IVF mill. This is no reflection on my mother or my wife, I swear, so if you read this Oli or Barb, please don’t beat me up.

The acronym for “Mother’s” describes our horrific journey through infertility and IVF. Those nerve-wracking times are thankfully behind us.

The acronym for “Day” is a little more on the positive side and reflects how we got through IVF treatment

MOTHER’S

M stands for Mortified. I was mortified at the fact that my sperm move about as graciously as a Walrus on land.

O stands for Ossified. Being a proud Irish man getting ossified (plastered drunk) was the only way to numb the pain of stopping my wife from being a Mother on Mother’s day. In hindsight, drinking could have been the cause of, and the solution to my infertility problem. Whoops!

T stands for Testicular Ineptitude. It is a sad state of affairs; my testicles are inept. My sperm is about as abnormal as an immigrant on Donald Trump’s board of advisers.

H is for Handjob. How romantic is it that for us to have babies all that I had to do was have a quick handjob.

E is for Ejaculatory dilapidation. Over a decade of eating crap, drinking like a fish and smoking like a chimney has left my sperm in a state of ejaculatory dilapidation.

R is for Ravaged Relationship. Our relationship had been ravaged by the rancorousness of assisted reproductive therapy. Thankfully, we made it through and came out the other side unscathed.

S is for the Shit times. Oh those shitty shit times. Two failed IVF treatments were the shittiest times of our lives. Anyone who has been through it knows just how shit it actually is. When you think you are having a bad day, compare it to failed IVF, and rarely will your day be worse.

DAY- OH HAPPY DAY

D is for Dedication. That’s what it takes to get through the shit times of IVF. You have to keep your eye on the prize. Seeing the bigger picture and being dedicated to the end goal is key to getting through infertility.

A is Appreciation. When everything is so hard and there seems to be no end in sight, it makes the good times feel even better. If you live each day in appreciation of what you have got, then you will be happy for the rest of your life.

Y is for Yes we fucking can. In the words of Barack Obama, with fucking thrown in as intensifying adjective, “YES WE FUCKING CAN” is the only attitude that will get you through infertility and IVF treatment. That attitude is the reason we did not give up and now have twins.

http://scantilydad.com/

https://twitter.com/scantilydad

https://www.facebook.com/scantilydad/

https://www.instagram.com/scantilydad/?hl=de Proud survivor of three IVF treatments, James was born and bred in Dublin Ireland and lives in Berlin, Germany with his twins Max and Mathilda. He is a dad blogger and an influencer that writes about infertility, twins and all things parenthood. The scantily dad blog is the ultimate parenting resource on the internet.

“Thanks, James!”– This is Lori speaking now. If you’d like more laughs at infertility’s expense:

Check out my own new bonus Mother’s Day post:                   “Mother’s Day in the Land of What Ifs”@ http://laughingisconceivable.com/mothersdaywhatifs/

Subscribe to my newsletter at the top of my home page:

http:///laughingisconceivable.com

Peruse my eBook: (Isn’t “peruse” an abbreviation for “purchase”):

Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman’s Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility.

https://www.amazon.com//dp/B007G9X19A/

https://www.amazon.co.uk//dp/B007G9X19A/ (Amazon UK)

https://www.amazon.ca//dp/B007G9X19A (Amazon Canada)

Available on Amazon, Kobo, & Nook

 

“M” is for May and… okay… mother’s day month

As the calendar turns the page to May, all infertile eyes can’t help but jump down to Mother’s Day. This year, it comes a little late: Okay, I’m not a total moron (not a total one). I know that it always comes on the second Sunday in May in the U.S. and several other countries. It’s just that it seems like it’s usually around the 9th, but this year falls on the 14th. All in all, over 40 countries celebrate Mother’s Day on one date or another. The Land of Infertility is one place where it is not celebrated. Or celebrated only when coerced into it and even then, usually celebrated half-heartedly if not half-assedly. Everybody in the world who celebrates Mother’s Day, celebrates Mother’s Day but infertile women: We “celebrate” Mother’s Day Month.

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