Mother’s Day Post from an Infertile Dad

Hi everybody! In honor of Mother’s Day,  please help me welcome Guest Blogger, James Doherty. He has a great blog called: Scantily Dad. (Just use the link below if you’d like to check it out. I tried googling “scantily” & unspeakable things came up. My home might be raided any minute.) He and his wife have been through IVF and here’s his unique & quite humorous take on it, & Mother’s Day…. Enjoy! (Alert: children mentioned)

Mother’s Day – An acronym for my infertility journey

To celebrate my wife and I beating the crap out of infertility, I have kindly been given the honour of guest posting for Laughing IS Conceivable. Humour is important for me and I had to try and find humour in the least funny of situations, infertility. The easiest way for me to do this was by creating an acronym that represents my journey through the IVF mill. This is no reflection on my mother or my wife, I swear, so if you read this Oli or Barb, please don’t beat me up.

The acronym for “Mother’s” describes our horrific journey through infertility and IVF. Those nerve-wracking times are thankfully behind us.

The acronym for “Day” is a little more on the positive side and reflects how we got through IVF treatment

MOTHER’S

M stands for Mortified. I was mortified at the fact that my sperm move about as graciously as a Walrus on land.

O stands for Ossified. Being a proud Irish man getting ossified (plastered drunk) was the only way to numb the pain of stopping my wife from being a Mother on Mother’s day. In hindsight, drinking could have been the cause of, and the solution to my infertility problem. Whoops!

T stands for Testicular Ineptitude. It is a sad state of affairs; my testicles are inept. My sperm is about as abnormal as an immigrant on Donald Trump’s board of advisers.

H is for Handjob. How romantic is it that for us to have babies all that I had to do was have a quick handjob.

E is for Ejaculatory dilapidation. Over a decade of eating crap, drinking like a fish and smoking like a chimney has left my sperm in a state of ejaculatory dilapidation.

R is for Ravaged Relationship. Our relationship had been ravaged by the rancorousness of assisted reproductive therapy. Thankfully, we made it through and came out the other side unscathed.

S is for the Shit times. Oh those shitty shit times. Two failed IVF treatments were the shittiest times of our lives. Anyone who has been through it knows just how shit it actually is. When you think you are having a bad day, compare it to failed IVF, and rarely will your day be worse.

DAY- OH HAPPY DAY

D is for Dedication. That’s what it takes to get through the shit times of IVF. You have to keep your eye on the prize. Seeing the bigger picture and being dedicated to the end goal is key to getting through infertility.

A is Appreciation. When everything is so hard and there seems to be no end in sight, it makes the good times feel even better. If you live each day in appreciation of what you have got, then you will be happy for the rest of your life.

Y is for Yes we fucking can. In the words of Barack Obama, with fucking thrown in as intensifying adjective, “YES WE FUCKING CAN” is the only attitude that will get you through infertility and IVF treatment. That attitude is the reason we did not give up and now have twins.

http://scantilydad.com/

https://twitter.com/scantilydad

https://www.facebook.com/scantilydad/

https://www.instagram.com/scantilydad/?hl=de Proud survivor of three IVF treatments, James was born and bred in Dublin Ireland and lives in Berlin, Germany with his twins Max and Mathilda. He is a dad blogger and an influencer that writes about infertility, twins and all things parenthood. The scantily dad blog is the ultimate parenting resource on the internet.

“Thanks, James!”– This is Lori speaking now. If you’d like more laughs at infertility’s expense:

Check out my own new bonus Mother’s Day post:                   “Mother’s Day in the Land of What Ifs”@ http://laughingisconceivable.com/mothersdaywhatifs/

Subscribe to my newsletter at the top of my home page:

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Peruse my eBook: (Isn’t “peruse” an abbreviation for “purchase”):

Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman’s Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility.

https://www.amazon.com//dp/B007G9X19A/

https://www.amazon.co.uk//dp/B007G9X19A/ (Amazon UK)

https://www.amazon.ca//dp/B007G9X19A (Amazon Canada)

Available on Amazon, Kobo, & Nook

 

“M” is for May and… okay… mother’s day month

As the calendar turns the page to May, all infertile eyes can’t help but jump down to Mother’s Day. This year, it comes a little late: Okay, I’m not a total moron (not a total one). I know that it always comes on the second Sunday in May in the U.S. and several other countries. It’s just that it seems like it’s usually around the 9th, but this year falls on the 14th. All in all, over 40 countries celebrate Mother’s Day on one date or another. The Land of Infertility is one place where it is not celebrated. Or celebrated only when coerced into it and even then, usually celebrated half-heartedly if not half-assedly. Everybody in the world who celebrates Mother’s Day, celebrates Mother’s Day but infertile women: We “celebrate” Mother’s Day Month.

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The Infertility Olympics

Most people know I’m a sports nut. So even though my hockey team is in the play-offs and my baseball team has started off well and the tennis Grand Slam events are on the horizon, there’s no Olympics this summer and so I’m not completely satisfied. So I’ve created the only Olympics I’m qualified to create: The Infertility Olympics. In fact, I didn’t really have to create anything. Anyone who’s going through infertility is already playing them whether they know it or not. No need to register. You’re already signed up.

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Infertility Spring Break: “Doin’ Shots on the Beach”

Infertility Spring Break: Spring Break for Infertile Women. Maybe I should pitch the idea to MTV. What’s hotter than watching a group of women in thong bikinis doing shots on the beach at sunset? Considering the type of shots infertile women do, both “regular” bikinis and thong bikinis would actually be quite practical.

Infertility Spring Break. MTV would never air it. Clearly women going through fertility treatments desperately need a crazy, wild, college-esque Spring Break. It would just be too disturbing to televise.

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Infertility & Money: The Day My Uterus became a Money Pit

IVF, well, fertility treatments in general, as most of us know all too well, are costly: Emotionally, physically, and well… monetarily. Ah, infertility & finances. Infertility & money. Bad enough you have to go to all of those appointments and be subjected to proby things put up you and blood siphoned out of you.  Stuff injected, swallowed, inserted or shot into you.

Now, on top of all of that: The damn treatments expect to be paid for.

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Infertility Busy Bodies – You Know, Family, Friends

So last week was sort of an introduction to infertility with a few terms and definitions sprinkled in among my usual smart ass remarks. http://laughingisconceivable.com/infertility-virgins/ This week, let’s discuss “Infertility Busy Bodies, You know, Family & Friends etc” in other words– those who deserve smart ass remarks.

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Heads Up: Infertility Sounds Like a Scam to Your Boss

It’s tough to be going through fertility treatments under any circumstances. It’s extremely tough going through fertility treatments while you have a full-time job. Infertility itself is a full-time job. There are things you have to do in the morning, in the afternoon, and at night. There are things you have to do on the weekends. Sometimes you even have to go to the doctor’s office on a weekend. You don’t call the shots. (Pun?) Your doctors and your ovaries call the shots. (Pun?) Everything during treatments has to be done when it has to be done. Not the day after. Not on Saturday instead of Tuesday. Most employers don’t want to hear it. And I’ll have to admit: To someone who hasn’t been through it, like your boss, infertility sounds like a scam.

 

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The Infertility Monster in My Head

I’m usually pretty good at letting stuff go. It happens. I say: “that sucks. Oh well…” and then I keep it moving. But when I was going through infertility, it was a real challenge. A lot of stuff got stuck in my brain and festered, festered, and rolled around my head like it was a pinball machine.

I was so desperate, so exhausted, so stressed out, I hung onto every word people said. The problem with this is that when you’re going through infertility, the majority of words are coming from only two places: People who know too much and people who know nothing.

 

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Final Valentine’s Day (Month) Post- Really

So this will be my final Valentine’s Day /Month post this year. (Who said: “Thank Gd?”) And you know why I’ve done so many. Because life has a way of wedging its way into our romance if we let it and infertility, with its blame, guilt, social stigmas, physical, mental, emotional, and financial tolls, is its own special crowbar all by itself.

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