So as most of you know, I’m a humor writer. This means that I’m a professional highly-trained in making smart-ass remarks. Look how good I am at it, even my job description to you contained a smart-ass remark. My entire life, I’ve never been able to help myself from doing it so I finally gave in and made a career of it. That’s why I’m no good on Facebook. People beg you for sympathy and support. Look, my friend Shannon whom I adore posted that she lost 133 pounds. Only she accidentally wrote “ponds”instead of “pounds” so of course everyone else wrote: “Good job!” and “Way to Go!” and I had to write: “Was that water weight, Shannon?” instead of letting it go like a normal person. (I’ve probably been un-friended by more people on FB than anyone else.) So in honor of “Let’s Hear it for the Boys… and their ‘boys'” month, when it comes to male infertility, I thought it best if I just shut-up and let a medical professional tell you some important stuff with some great links to more important stuff… instead of a smart-ass professional telling you why it’s funny… which of course it isn’t. Continue reading
Helen Adrienne is a well-respected therapist in NYC who specializes in individuals and couples dealing with infertility. So what you’ll be getting from her today will be tried and true sound advice unlike the smart-ass remarks you typically get from me. She talks about both men who have their own fertility issues as well as men dealing with an infertile wife who’s turned into a nutjob. (I don’t think Helen actually uses the word “nutjob” though, but I know from personal experience, that’s exactly what you turn into.)
Although my 84 year old father lived among a lot of couples in his retirement community in Florida, I couldn’t help noticing every time I visited that he spent much more time talking with the women than the men. Finally I decided to ask him why that was: “Well, the wives are all very nice.” He said. “But their husbands are a bunch of schmucks.”
So while we may not be in a position to, or at all interested in, celebrating Father’s Day this year, I propose an alternate holiday:
“Thank You for Not Being a Schmuck” Month.
Your spouse/partner/husband–whatever he is– probably does some things that irritate you. That’s normal, of course. And yet, even with those small annoyances, minor aggravations and colossal pet peeves that drive you up a fkn wall… He’s the one, the only one, you’ve hand-picked to have calendar-induced copulation with and to sire your future children. You know you wouldn’t have your eggs in a freezer, snuggling together for warmth with anyone else’s sperm.
So he’s not perfect…
These blog posts leading up to Father’s Day are dedicated to all of the guys trapped in this infertility adventure with us and especially to Philip Cottraux whom I’ve never met in person but I’m pretty sure bears no resemblance whatsoever to Homer Simpson.
I love when Judge Judy has a case where a woman is suing her ex and going on and on about how irresponsible and useless he is. Judge Judy’s response is always the same:
“So what do you want from me? You picked him!”
The vast majority of infertility blog readers are women, likely because the vast majority of infertility blog writers are women. I’m sure that comes as a huge surprise to not one person. There are a lot of daddy bloggers now, but not nearly as many writing about infertility. I guess there a lot more guys proud of their kids than their low-sperm count. Go figure.
Infertile women generally have a short agenda when we blog or post on social networks: Continue reading
Have you heard of “Give Yourself a Cookie” Day?
If the best part of Mother’s Day to you, right now, at this very juncture in your life, is the moment it ends… Continue reading
The Land of Infertility is sometimes referred to as: The Land of If. (As in Melissa Ford’s Book: http://www.melissafordauthor.com/navigating-the-land-of-if/)
In the weeks approaching Mother’s Day, we modify it further to: “The Land of ‘What Ifs’. ”
Those who are going through infertility are typically pretty spectacular at conjuring up “What Ifs” at record speed and this year, seeing as the blasted holiday known as Mother’s Day doesn’t occur until the 14th, we’ve had 2 whole weeks to create “What Ifs” specific to Mother’s Day. Well, it’s not such a big deal. After all, how many “What Ifs” can one woman with an infertile body but incredibly fertile mind create in her head in 2 weeks?
As the calendar turns the page to May, all infertile eyes can’t help but jump down to Mother’s Day. This year, it comes a little late: Okay, I’m not a total moron (not a total one). I know that it always comes on the second Sunday in May in the U.S. and several other countries. It’s just that it seems like it’s usually around the 9th, but this year falls on the 14th. All in all, over 40 countries celebrate Mother’s Day on one date or another. The Land of Infertility is one place where it is not celebrated. Or celebrated only when coerced into it and even then, usually celebrated half-heartedly if not half-assedly. Everybody in the world who celebrates Mother’s Day, celebrates Mother’s Day but infertile women: We “celebrate” Mother’s Day Month.
Most people know I’m a sports nut. So even though my hockey team is in the play-offs and my baseball team has started off well and the tennis Grand Slam events are on the horizon, there’s no Olympics this summer and so I’m not completely satisfied. So I’ve created the only Olympics I’m qualified to create: The Infertility Olympics. In fact, I didn’t really have to create anything. Anyone who’s going through infertility is already playing them whether they know it or not. No need to register. You’re already signed up.
Infertility Spring Break: Spring Break for Infertile Women. Maybe I should pitch the idea to MTV. What’s hotter than watching a group of women in thong bikinis doing shots on the beach at sunset? Considering the type of shots infertile women do, both “regular” bikinis and thong bikinis would actually be quite practical.
Infertility Spring Break. MTV would never air it. Clearly women going through fertility treatments desperately need a crazy, wild, college-esque Spring Break. It would just be too disturbing to televise.