Mother’s Day in The Land of What Ifs

The Land of Infertility is sometimes referred to as: The Land of If. (As in Melissa Ford’s Book: http://www.melissafordauthor.com/navigating-the-land-of-if/)

In the weeks approaching Mother’s Day, we modify it further to: “The Land of ‘What Ifs’. ”

Those who are going through infertility are typically pretty spectacular at conjuring up “What Ifs” at record speed and this year, seeing as the blasted holiday known as Mother’s Day doesn’t occur until the 14th, we’ve had 2 whole weeks to create “What Ifs” specific to Mother’s Day. Well, it’s not such a big deal. After all, how many “What Ifs” can one woman with an infertile body but incredibly fertile mind create in her head in 2 weeks?

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“M” is for May and… okay… mother’s day month

As the calendar turns the page to May, all infertile eyes can’t help but jump down to Mother’s Day. This year, it comes a little late: Okay, I’m not a total moron (not a total one). I know that it always comes on the second Sunday in May in the U.S. and several other countries. It’s just that it seems like it’s usually around the 9th, but this year falls on the 14th. All in all, over 40 countries celebrate Mother’s Day on one date or another. The Land of Infertility is one place where it is not celebrated. Or celebrated only when coerced into it and even then, usually celebrated half-heartedly if not half-assedly. Everybody in the world who celebrates Mother’s Day, celebrates Mother’s Day but infertile women: We “celebrate” Mother’s Day Month.

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The Infertility Olympics

Most people know I’m a sports nut. So even though my hockey team is in the play-offs and my baseball team has started off well and the tennis Grand Slam events are on the horizon, there’s no Olympics this summer and so I’m not completely satisfied. So I’ve created the only Olympics I’m qualified to create: The Infertility Olympics. In fact, I didn’t really have to create anything. Anyone who’s going through infertility is already playing them whether they know it or not. No need to register. You’re already signed up.

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Infertility Spring Break: “Doin’ Shots on the Beach”

Infertility Spring Break: Spring Break for Infertile Women. Maybe I should pitch the idea to MTV. What’s hotter than watching a group of women in thong bikinis doing shots on the beach at sunset? Considering the type of shots infertile women do, both “regular” bikinis and thong bikinis would actually be quite practical.

Infertility Spring Break. MTV would never air it. Clearly women going through fertility treatments desperately need a crazy, wild, college-esque Spring Break. It would just be too disturbing to televise.

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Infertility & Money: The Day My Uterus became a Money Pit

IVF, well, fertility treatments in general, as most of us know all too well, are costly: Emotionally, physically, and well… monetarily. Ah, infertility & finances. Infertility & money. Bad enough you have to go to all of those appointments and be subjected to proby things put up you and blood siphoned out of you.  Stuff injected, swallowed, inserted or shot into you.

Now, on top of all of that: The damn treatments expect to be paid for.

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Infertility Busy Bodies – You Know, Family, Friends

So last week was sort of an introduction to infertility with a few terms and definitions sprinkled in among my usual smart ass remarks. http://laughingisconceivable.com/infertility-virgins/ This week, let’s discuss “Infertility Busy Bodies, You know, Family & Friends etc” in other words– those who deserve smart ass remarks.

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Spring Training for Infertility Virgins

Let me be the first to apologize for the title. (Although I can’t imagine who else would.) I’m a huge baseball fan and rarely pass up a good sports metaphor. As for: “infertility virgin”– that oxymoronic or just moronic part of the title– well the need for that apology is self-explanatory.

If you’re new, or semi-new to this infertility biz, we vets welcome you with open arms to this wild, wacky, unjust world.

I even hate to say “welcome”. I really want to say “sorry”. But you aren’t anywhere near alone… and please do find some comfort in that. There are scores (would I have said: “dozens” if baseball season wasn’t upon us?) There are many many of us who are there and doing that or have been there and have done that. In fact, most of us have done that, that, AND that. (links to find more of your supporters at the end.)

And a lot of it is confusing—especially if you’re new to the fertility treatment game… There are some things I think we can clear up right here:

 

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Heads Up: Infertility Sounds Like a Scam to Your Boss

It’s tough to be going through fertility treatments under any circumstances. It’s extremely tough going through fertility treatments while you have a full-time job. Infertility itself is a full-time job. There are things you have to do in the morning, in the afternoon, and at night. There are things you have to do on the weekends. Sometimes you even have to go to the doctor’s office on a weekend. You don’t call the shots. (Pun?) Your doctors and your ovaries call the shots. (Pun?) Everything during treatments has to be done when it has to be done. Not the day after. Not on Saturday instead of Tuesday. Most employers don’t want to hear it. And I’ll have to admit: To someone who hasn’t been through it, like your boss, infertility sounds like a scam.

 

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The Infertility Monster in My Head

I’m usually pretty good at letting stuff go. It happens. I say: “that sucks. Oh well…” and then I keep it moving. But when I was going through infertility, it was a real challenge. A lot of stuff got stuck in my brain and festered, festered, and rolled around my head like it was a pinball machine.

I was so desperate, so exhausted, so stressed out, I hung onto every word people said. The problem with this is that when you’re going through infertility, the majority of words are coming from only two places: People who know too much and people who know nothing.

 

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