Let’s Hear it for the Boys… & their “boys”… & Lab Director Carole Wegner

So as most of you know, I’m a humor writer. This means that I’m a professional highly-trained in making smart-ass remarks. Look how good I am at it, even my job description to you contained a smart-ass remark. My entire life, I’ve never been able to help myself from doing it so I finally gave in and made a career of it. That’s why I’m no good on Facebook. People beg you for sympathy and support. Look, my friend Shannon whom I adore posted that she lost 133 pounds. Only she accidentally wrote “ponds”instead of “pounds” so of course everyone else wrote: “Good job!” and “Way to Go!” and I had to write: “Was that water weight, Shannon?” instead of letting it go like a normal person. (I’ve probably been un-friended by more people on FB than anyone else.) So in honor of “Let’s Hear it for the Boys… and their ‘boys'” month, when it comes to male infertility, I thought it best if I just shut-up and let a medical professional tell you some important stuff with some great links to more important stuff… instead of a smart-ass professional telling you why it’s funny… which of course it isn’t. Continue reading

Let’s Hear it for the Boys… & Philip Cottraux

Yes– This month– Let’s Hear it for the Boys…. and this week- Philip Cottraux. (I’ll tell you who he is in a minute. Everyone’s so impatient nowadays.)

Women dealing with infertility publicly torment themselves and each other with the torture that is mother’s day. But what about the men and father’s day? Do you think like I think that just because they’re not publicly announcing their anguish doesn’t mean they don’t feel it? Or is this just a woman’s view of what a man is feeling? Are they all like my husband whom I begged and pleaded to “let out all of his bottled up emotions” to which he replied following my ten minute-long tirade: “What are you even talking about”?

So for the next couple of weeks, this here Laughing IS Conceivable blog is going to be all about the boys… and their “boys”. From first-hand accounts from a man with fertility issues who is also the support person for his wife with fertility issues, to a man and adoption, to a therapist talking about the emotional and psychological aspects for a guy dealing with this, to a fertility lab director giving some great technical male fertility info, to an essay where I compare my relationship to my husband to my relationship with my Dad. How could that go wrong? So let me shut up for once, and get you right over to my new cyber friend, Philip Cottraux. So let’s hear it for the boys! I love his story– and this is it:

Continue reading

Mother’s Day Post from an Infertile Dad

Hi everybody! In honor of Mother’s Day,  please help me welcome Guest Blogger, James Doherty. He has a great blog called: Scantily Dad. (Just use the link below if you’d like to check it out. I tried googling “scantily” & unspeakable things came up. My home might be raided any minute.) He and his wife have been through IVF and here’s his unique & quite humorous take on it, & Mother’s Day…. Enjoy! (Alert: children mentioned)

Mother’s Day – An acronym for my infertility journey

To celebrate my wife and I beating the crap out of infertility, I have kindly been given the honour of guest posting for Laughing IS Conceivable. Humour is important for me and I had to try and find humour in the least funny of situations, infertility. The easiest way for me to do this was by creating an acronym that represents my journey through the IVF mill. This is no reflection on my mother or my wife, I swear, so if you read this Oli or Barb, please don’t beat me up.

The acronym for “Mother’s” describes our horrific journey through infertility and IVF. Those nerve-wracking times are thankfully behind us.

The acronym for “Day” is a little more on the positive side and reflects how we got through IVF treatment

MOTHER’S

M stands for Mortified. I was mortified at the fact that my sperm move about as graciously as a Walrus on land.

O stands for Ossified. Being a proud Irish man getting ossified (plastered drunk) was the only way to numb the pain of stopping my wife from being a Mother on Mother’s day. In hindsight, drinking could have been the cause of, and the solution to my infertility problem. Whoops!

T stands for Testicular Ineptitude. It is a sad state of affairs; my testicles are inept. My sperm is about as abnormal as an immigrant on Donald Trump’s board of advisers.

H is for Handjob. How romantic is it that for us to have babies all that I had to do was have a quick handjob.

E is for Ejaculatory dilapidation. Over a decade of eating crap, drinking like a fish and smoking like a chimney has left my sperm in a state of ejaculatory dilapidation.

R is for Ravaged Relationship. Our relationship had been ravaged by the rancorousness of assisted reproductive therapy. Thankfully, we made it through and came out the other side unscathed.

S is for the Shit times. Oh those shitty shit times. Two failed IVF treatments were the shittiest times of our lives. Anyone who has been through it knows just how shit it actually is. When you think you are having a bad day, compare it to failed IVF, and rarely will your day be worse.

DAY- OH HAPPY DAY

D is for Dedication. That’s what it takes to get through the shit times of IVF. You have to keep your eye on the prize. Seeing the bigger picture and being dedicated to the end goal is key to getting through infertility.

A is Appreciation. When everything is so hard and there seems to be no end in sight, it makes the good times feel even better. If you live each day in appreciation of what you have got, then you will be happy for the rest of your life.

Y is for Yes we fucking can. In the words of Barack Obama, with fucking thrown in as intensifying adjective, “YES WE FUCKING CAN” is the only attitude that will get you through infertility and IVF treatment. That attitude is the reason we did not give up and now have twins.

http://scantilydad.com/

https://twitter.com/scantilydad

https://www.facebook.com/scantilydad/

https://www.instagram.com/scantilydad/?hl=de Proud survivor of three IVF treatments, James was born and bred in Dublin Ireland and lives in Berlin, Germany with his twins Max and Mathilda. He is a dad blogger and an influencer that writes about infertility, twins and all things parenthood. The scantily dad blog is the ultimate parenting resource on the internet.

“Thanks, James!”– This is Lori speaking now. If you’d like more laughs at infertility’s expense:

Check out my own new bonus Mother’s Day post:                   “Mother’s Day in the Land of What Ifs”@ http://laughingisconceivable.com/mothersdaywhatifs/

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Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman’s Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility.

https://www.amazon.com//dp/B007G9X19A/

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In 2011 I’ll Quit Cursing, Watching Football, And Eating Ice Cream (Wednesday)

Then I’ll be totally unrecognizable even to myself.

(Start with “Tuesday” if you can. That should be your first New Year’s Resolution. #1: Read entire Laughing IS Conceivable blog post every week from beginning to end and then begin again over and over from Monday thru Friday over and over from start to finish and then begin at the beginning (geez, someone stop me. I’m getting dizzy.)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. The possible value of New Year’s Resolutions for infertility sufferers. And how we must avoid the absurd resolutions that most of us make. I think we all know the kind I’m referring to:  

“I’m going to lose weight by eating only grapefruit for two months.”  Yeah let’s all do it. From now until March we’ll all join together and be on the diarrea diet. Instead of cycle buddies we’ll all have bathroom buddies. We’ll all dehydrate ourselves down to 100 pounds and pick a centrally located emergency room, perhaps in the midwest, where we can all gather to celebrate in the Spring. Continue reading

The Great Thanksgiving Roast (Thursday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can. Read a day at a time. It’s a good way to get a break from the relatives. Every half hour or so,  tell them you have a stomach cramp and slip out of the living room and into their computer chair. You’ll send a wave of panic through your family as they realize the implications of someone hogging the toilet on this day of all days.)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. Keeping your spouse close by for the entire Thanksgiving hellfest. There is strength in numbers. And if someone asks you an embarrassing question, you can just shove him in front of you to deflect it.

“Helen, you’re not doing any of those fertility treatment thingys are you?…”Dave? Where did Helen just go? I could swear she was just standing right there, where you are now.”

I also think, there are still in 2010 some things people won’t say in mixed company. This can definitely work in your favor. Women probably won’t mention your menstrual while your husband’s around.

Just like, when you’re in the vicinity, men probably won’t bring up their highly scientific theory on the culprit behind your husband’s fatherhood issues: That time in 1989 when they all went to the beach during spring break and your husband sat on the scorching hot sand with a way too short speedo.

So, if you’re a man and a woman together at this function, you’ve got it covered as long as you hang together. If you’re a same sex couple… hopefully just showing up together still freaks out the most annoying of your relatives enough that they’ll never even get around to bothering you about the trying to conceive part. Hold hands a lot and gaze into each other’s eyes lovingly if you have to.     

For everybody: When you sit down to dinner, choose your seat wisely. Don’t be the first to sit down at the table. You’ll be stuck with whomever sits down next to you.

What happens if it’s your aunt who whips out a newspaper clipping on endometriosis she’s been carrying around in her purse since July 4th when you dodged her at the family barbecue? 

If somehow this does happen, however, don’t despair. Simply get up, go do something (get a spoon, read more of my blog…whichever), then return to the table and “absent-mindedly” sit in the wrong seat.

You don’t have to sit next to your spouse, but you should definitely be within deflection distance of each other. And both of you need to keep your ears perked up for key danger words. For example:

Aunt with the article in the purse sits next to you, and in between stuffing stuffing into her teeth and unwedging it with the back of a matchbook, she tilts in your direction. You’re not sure what she’s about to do. She could either be internally rearranging the four glasses of club soda she chugged, or worse: She’s about to talk to you. You hold your breath waiting to see out of which end the noise will emerge.

Your husband appears to be immersed in his slab of cranberry sauce, trying to decide what is proper Thanksgiving dinner etiquette: To turn it can imprint side down before tackling it or leave it as served. But his ears are wide open and zoning in on your aunt like he’s the Bionic Woman.

And she speaks to you:

“Oh (okay, the word “oh” seems fine.)

“did I mention” (no objection so far)

“that my neighbor’s daughter” (Warning: Lights begin to flash. I know my aunt. She wouldn’t be telling me about this girl I never met unless she’s  either having a baby or is a prostitute.)

“is” (Husband reaches for nearest bowl.)

“pregnant?”

“Peas?! Aunt Yenta, do you want peas? Does anyone at this table want peas? How about down there? How about you? How about you? How about you?”

Deflection. That’s the name of the game. It’s not really a family dinner. It’s fricken air hockey.    

Listen, I gotta go before the  tryptophan kicks in and I fall asleep on my keyboard. 

I’ll talk with ya again tomorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Men,Men,Men,Men,Manly Men, Men,Men (Friday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can.  Yes, all this week is about men: Specifically, our men and their roles in our infertility journey: From us getting them prepared for their IVF husbandly duties specimen to the history behind the nightly “jab her in the butt cheek” ritual.)  

I have to say these guys deserve all of our gratitude. If you’re lucky enough to have someone amazing, they’re indispensible across the board.  But anyone who’s ready, willing, and able to give you tush injections is golden. Continue reading

Men,Men,Men,Men,Manly Men,Men,Men (Thursday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can. You’ve got plenty of time. Either you’re off from work today because the office is closed or you just called in sick because you thought it was a gyp that the office was open….

And if you can put up with me for a few extra minutes a week, consider becoming a subscriber. It’s simple and quick (and free did I mention it’s free?) and you get some fascinating insider info.) 

So what were we talking about? Oh right. How our husbands, partners, boyfriends, naked acquaintances, kissing neighbors, hot papas, really are quite literally, our “right hand men” in this infertility project. Have no fear. I will stop the puns there.

There’s another important role that the man plays in our infertility madness. One, which in my opinion, is a humongous scam. Continue reading

Men,Men,Men,Men,Manly Men,Men,Men (Wednesday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can. Tomorrow’s Veteran’s Day and I’m an IVF veteran. Have some respect. Do I get a free meal at Applebee’s?)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. How impressed everyone at the fertility clinic was with my husband’s Olympic swimmer sperm and how underwhelmed they were with his old lady- who, in fertility terms was well— an old lady. 

We also discussed how you sometimes feel jealous when you’re the one diagnosed with the infertility problems. And it’s okay to lament (momentarily) that you’re the one who has to go through all of this, not him. 

In preparing for this post, I came across an article on FertilityPlus’ site. It made some mention of the man’s role. The seedier side of his responsibilities. Yes, I think you know to what I’m referring. Oh grow up. You do too. Continue reading

Men,Men,Men,Men,Manly,Men,Men,Men (Tuesday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can.  This whole week is dedicated to the “Y” chromosome, all grown-up, married to us and keeping us company during the entire infertility debacle.)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. Men and how they fit into the whole female infertility journey.   

As I’m sure most of you are aware, infertility can be attributed to the female partner about 1/3 of the time, the male partner 1/3 of the time and a combination of the two 1/3 of the time… and of course there’s also the endlessly frustrating “anybody’s guess” column somewhere in the mix.

No matter who gets diagnosed with what: Forget “fault”. Neither of you is at fault. Somebody’s body’ is not working properly.  No fault. You didn’t cause a car accident. If you became infertile because you were texting during sex, then forget what I said: Screw you, you are at fault. Otherwise, let blame,guilt, fault, all of that crap go.   

And let’s say right here: If you’re the one who’s deemed to be the “infertile one” in the relationship… you have the absolute right to be a little jealous of your husband/wife, spouse, lover, best-you-could-do-under-the-circumstances, better-than-being-alone-or-so-I- thought-at-the-time, significant or insignificant other. Continue reading

Men Men Men Men Manly Men Men Men (Monday)

Okay so if you’re not familiar with the theme song from the show “Two and a Half Men” you’re now thinking I have either a speech impediment or a severe short-term memory disorder. (“Did I just type the word ‘men’? I can’t remember. I’d better do it again to be safe.” Then half a second later: “Did I just type the word ‘men’? I can’t remember. I’d better do it again to be safe.”  It’s a time-consuming affliction. I could spend all week writing and never make it out of the title.)

And that’s what this week’s posts are going to be about- No, not me developing Turrets syndrome late in life: The manly men in our lives who are joined at the hip with us during our infertility stresses and messes.

And for all of you guys who are kind enough to log on, stop rolling your eyes and don’t worry… I don’t anticipate doing any male bashing.** Continue reading