Infertility Busy Bodies – You Know, Family, Friends

So last week was sort of an introduction to infertility with a few terms and definitions sprinkled in among my usual smart ass remarks. This week, let’s discuss “Infertility Busy Bodies, You know, Family & Friends etc” in other words– those who deserve smart ass remarks.

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Let the Grilling Begin! (Tuesday)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. Preparing for the long weekend ahead and the mandatory Memorial Day barbecue: The unofficial start of summer for grill gluttons and beer guzzling alcoholics everywhere.  (Start with Monday’s post if you can.)

The perfect place to celebrate Memorial Day weekend for me would be at a monastery where the monks take a vow of silence: The ideal barbecue: Plenty of food and no talking.

And even if there was talking, nobody would be talking about their kids, and there’d be none running around (perhaps there’d be some running around at an apartment complex a half-mile down the road with a connecting underground tunnel to the monastery, but nobody would likely bring that up at the cook-out.)  

But since most of us don’t have many monks attending our block parties, we have to work with what we got.

Sometimes as infertiles, you hold your breath as a big wingding approaches. “Will people ask us personal questions? Will we have to explain why we have no kids yet?”

No need to worry this time. For this weekend’s barbecue, don’t be concerned about the baby-making details. And don’t bother buying a cattle car full of beef, pork, or chicken either. Look around the neighborhood. Plenty to grill right here. Continue reading

Something To Read If You’re Having Issues on Christmas (Saturday)

Hi there!

Okay, so what kind of an obsessive nut blogs on Christmas/Christmas Eve? I mentioned on Friday’s post that I’m going to be posting a bonus Saturday article for Christmas in case it’s turning into a particularly trying day for you. So this article is written by a woman in St.Louis who has suffered through infertility and is a licensed counselor who now helps those also stuck on that same sucky voyage.

I was lucky enough to receive a lot of great articles from experts in the infertility field who wanted to contribute to my month long “Get Through the Holidays…Any Way You Can” theme to help readers do just that. I certainly hope you’ve enjoyed their articles and found some comfort and valuable information in them.

But this article from Tracy Birkinbine was different. It’s informative. But most of all it’s a deeply heart-felt account of what she went through one Christmas during her own infertility battle. I think she speaks for many. Hopefully her raw, honest, emotion will bring you feelings of support and of not being alone. If you need a little uplifting after you read it, please come back to the main blog and read over some of my usual shenanigans. Hopefully you can get a smile or two.       

Here’s where you can find Tracy’s article. I’ll talk to ya again on Tuesday.

Meet Tracy:

When I Have Kids, I Won’t Be So Lame (Thursday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can. Better cram all the laughs in now before a schmucky relative arrives and says something you fail to see the humor in… And if you dare, please subscribe to this blog. You’ll get weekly blog updates and back story of the posts… and I’ll get a positive shot to my otherwise low self-esteem.)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. Parents who torture us with their holiday photos. Sears portrait studios have been posing kids the same way for fifty years. Sit sideways, right arm over left or the ol’ “lean your chin on your hand” number. Nice wintry background. Oh, it’s not really Aspen in December? It’s just a screen pulled down behind the kid at the photo studio at the mall? I don’t believe it!  It’s so life-like.

How come you never see my favorite: “Winter in NYC” background? What’s wrong with posing cherubic tykes in front of eighty cars parked on a city street, buried under an avalanche of gray snow, courtesy of a snow plow? Continue reading

“When I Have Kids, I Won’t Be So Lame” (Tuesday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can. Cram in all the laughs you can before the relatives arrive and tear your house apart. Also, there’s a new page here at Laughing IS Conceivable. The “Non-Health Experts”. Take a look and see what the hell it is. Aren’t you the least bit curious? Oh)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. The things friends and loved ones subject us to during the holidays that make us consider wiping them off our “friends and family” phone plans. “Yes ma’am, I’d still like to have the phone plan, I just don’t want to be associated with any friends or family at the moment.  But I’m sure I’ll replace them eventually.”

This week in our: “When I Have Kids, I Won’t Be So Lame”..especially around the holidays… theme:

Goal #1: “When I Have Kids, I Won’t be Guilted and Suckered into Tipping Everybody During the Holidays” Continue reading

Infertility, Holidays, & Coworkers: 3 Full-time Jobs (Friday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can. This week is all about co-workers. You may want to forward some of the posts to them…or maybe not… Well at least look them over before forwarding with the subject line: “Read this and thought of you.”  And if you so desire, please subscribe to this blog. You get nifty weekly insider updates and get to hear what I really think of my own posts…not as boring as it sounds..geez I hope not anyway.)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. How the fertility-challenged among us are reluctant to go to the company holiday party, and, lo and behold…so are most people.

As we’ve discussed this week, the reason most of us are nervous about going to these parties, according to me anyway, is because at work you’re expected to talk about work. The company party is the one time a year when there are (supposedly) no managers, supervisors or employees…No back stabbing,  no letters from the boss saying: “Bonus?! You’re lucky you have a job.”  No favoritism. No sht list. It’s almost like a religious retreat. Just chums, buddies, comrades, and friends.  And friends talk to each other about their families…and introduce you to them.

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Infertility, Holidays & Coworkers: 3 Full-time Jobs (Tuesday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can. If I do say so myself, yesterday’s post wasn’t half bad. I can’t vouch for the other forty-nine percent though.)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. The people we work with, some of whom know our reproductive secrets. 

Most of us don’t readily spill our guts to just anybody at work. So when we consider who might be a good candidate to confide in we might ask ourselves: “Is this a caring person? Is this a person who will be sympathetic and sensitive to my situation?” Wrong! 

If you want to tell somebody at work your infertility business there’s only one soul-searching question you have to ask yourself: “Will this person get plastered at the company holiday party and float my secrets down the River Rum?”   And for that matter: Will my spouse? Continue reading

“Sharing the Holidays with Close Friends- Who Needs It?” (Friday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can. We’re in the thick of a huge holiday bash here. We’re bashing our relatives. We’re bashing our friends…b’dum bum. )

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. When our friends come up with the fab idea of having their big events, like weddings, during the holidays. There’s an optimist for you. Obviously they’re not taking into account divorce statistics or they wouldn’t get married on Christmas and set themselves up for future “I’m so depressed”, “How could I have been so wrong?” “I want to shoot myself” Christmases.      

These holiday events, of course, can be a good thing for us, the infertile guest. The traveling nuisance, the financial nuisance, the rearranging your schedule nuisance. You’re so wrapped up in the sheer inconvenience of it all, it could be a nice distraction. (And a wonderful excuse to relatives: “I’d love to come to your house for Christmas and watch your eight kids in their matching red sweaters sing along to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir CD again this year…I just have this wedding…Aw. I wish I could. I really wish I could. But I can’t. See ya.”) Continue reading

“Sharing the Holidays with Close Friends- Who Needs It?” (Wednesday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can. That’s when I’m usually full of energy (or full of something). By mid-week I lose my luster. My posts may not be brilliant, but you might find my daily decline entertaining. And consider becoming a subscriber. I send out weekly emails. You can witness what shape I’m in on the weekend.)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. How instead of lamenting our infertility situation and being envious of our friends with kids, we should focus on the facts: How incredibly dull our friends become during the holidays.

Never is this more evident than in their greeting cards. Bad enough we have to see the one big happy family all dolled up in their holiday best. Must they also sneak in their annual: “Our Family’s Year in Review”?

If you’ve been fortunate enough never to have received one: It’s like the New York Times “Week in Review”, except instead of being “All the News That’s Fit to Print”, it’s “All the Boring Sht That’s Fit to Flush”.

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“Sharing the Holidays with Close Friends-Who Needs It?” (Tuesday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can. I don’t really remember what I wrote. Could you maybe take a look and let me know if it was any good?)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. Holidays. The time of year when your friends become your “friends”.

When I was going through infertility treatments, I always felt especially low at this time of year: Low in self-esteem, low on holiday cheer and particularly low on my friends’ priority lists. Continue reading