When a Roll in the Hay, Becomes a Hayride

Infertility: When a roll in the hay becomes a hayride. I hope you’re not nearly as sick of my autumn analogies yet as I am. But I can’t seem to stop myself. I’ll admit I get carried away for some reason at this time of year. I get sucked into every delicious piece of snacky crap on the shelf just because it´s added “pumpkin spice” or “spooky” to its normal name. When most people are overcome by addiction, they see red. I see orange. I’m hoping I’ll be able to squelch my latest urge: To trick-or-treat this year dressed as Dorothy. Nobody wants to see a woman my age in gingham unless she’s swinging her partner round and round in a barn. Speaking of hay… and infertility… Continue reading

Why I Couldn’t Wouldn’t Shouldn’t Be an IVF Nurse

Not only don’t I think all nurses are created equal, I don’t think all nurses’ jobs are created equal. Even if I could pass all of the medical, scientific stuff (which is highly unlikely), I’d fail miserably at the “bedside manner” stuff. Maybe I could slide by as an emergency room nurse where you see the person, then they leave. Or at a doctor’s office where you take blood pressure and temperature, ship them off to the doctor, then they leave. But never an IVF nurse. You take their blood and they leave. Then a few days later they come back. Then a few days later, they come back. Then a few days later, they come back. You’ve surely heard the expression: “Familiarity breeds contempt”. I can’t think of a place that contempt would breed faster for me than at a fertility clinic. I was a fertility clinic patient for a year. I would have no patience for those patients. It was hard enough to be me, now I’d have to deal with me?

Continue reading

Hail to the Clueless! (Wednesday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can. I just had a root canal. If I can stand that pain surely you can deal with a few days of my blogs. True, I’m Vicodin-ed up.)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. Things I’m clueless about and the lady with four boys who hates all of us poor unfortunate infertiles because we’re not in the mood to throw her baby showers and personally christen her kids. Continue reading

Those Who Assist Us With Our Assisted Reproductive Technologies (Friday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can. You’ve survived another work week. You deserve to yuk it up.)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right.

According to this week’s Health Experts’ article “Quality Assurance in the IVF Lab”, it is extremely important that all of the medical staff members work in some sort of harmony together. If there’s no comunication the whole thing, in essence, our treatment, can suffer. 

So I read that bit of the article. And then I went to the dentist…and saw what she meant..in the flesh. Continue reading

Those Who Assist Us With Our Assisted Reproductive Technologies (Wednesday)

(Sorry for the late post today….. Start with “Monday” if you can. I have no good reason for telling you to do so, but it would be nice if you did.)

So, what were we talking about? Oh right. How I went through months and months of fertiity treatments and still couldn’t tell you who each medical person at the clinic was or exactlywhat they did. If they wore a lab coat, I opened wide and said “aaaaah”. Continue reading

Those Who Assist Us With Our Assisted Reproductive Technologies (Tuesday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can. If you enjoy reading about a 40 something womans’s mental decline, you’ll devour it.)

So what were we talking about? Oh right. How even though I was a regular at fertility clinics around town for a while (depressing but still preferred over singles’ bars-although both “VIP lounges” were much the same: Half-naked women “dancing” with their feet mid-air), I was never really quite sure what each member of the medical staff really did.

Am I the only dumb patient? Continue reading

Those Who Assist Us with Our Assisted Reproductive Technologies (Monday)

Okay, so that title completely eliminates any chance of me twitting anyone about this week’s posts: It’s like 1200 characters and says virtually nothing.

This is to what I was probably referring (even I can never be sure): You remember when you were eight and you knew only about a handful of professions? Teacher, fireman, police officer… I wasn’t even sure what my father did. Continue reading

Anger: It’s Not Just For Breakfast Anymore (Tuesday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can. Anger is like a good friendship: It builds over time.)

So what were we talking about? Oh right. My friend who believes that anger is a great motivator. I’m sure, even as we speak, she’s somewhere motivating herself into a fit. Maybe one day all of her hard work will pay off, and she will have motivated herself into a stroke.

There are many things to anger you when you’re going through infertiity. Big ones for me: Misinformation and Missing Information. Continue reading

When You Don’t Fit Into The “Baby Club”, Be Your Own Hero (Thursday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can. It’ll take you back to a simpler time (three days ago) before news of Bristol Palin’s engagement had thrown your life into a tailspin.)

So what were we talking about? Oh right. The “Baby Club” or more precisely: How to completely shut out the most important women in our lives for the entire duration of their pregnancies. Continue reading

When You Don’t Fit Into The “Baby Club”, Be Your Own Hero (Tuesday)

(Start with “Monday” if you can. No, you won’t be lost if you don’t. I don’t pretend to be Tom Stoppard…I wonder if he has a blog.)

So what were we talking about? Oh right. What to do when you’re suffering through all of your infertility woes…

And your best friend from college, your next door neighbor, your coworker, (just one measly cubicle over) and your overachieving cousin who won the second grade art contest by drawing a perfect map of Bolivia complete with a special blue-green Crayola shade that she patented herself to replicate the rainforest, all came up pregnant last Tuesday. 

I know it’s hard. It’s more than hard. It’s excruciating. Right now, at this very moment only, (I can’t speak for tomorrow and neither can you) you’re not part of that club. And whatever you do: Continue reading