Helen Adrienne is a well-respected therapist in NYC who specializes in individuals and couples dealing with infertility. So what you’ll be getting from her today will be tried and true sound advice unlike the smart-ass remarks you typically get from me. She talks about both men who have their own fertility issues as well as men dealing with an infertile wife who’s turned into a nutjob. (I don’t think Helen actually uses the word “nutjob” though, but I know from personal experience, that’s exactly what you turn into.)
Although my 84 year old father lived among a lot of couples in his retirement community in Florida, I couldn’t help noticing every time I visited that he spent much more time talking with the women than the men. Finally I decided to ask him why that was: “Well, the wives are all very nice.” He said. “But their husbands are a bunch of schmucks.”
So while we may not be in a position to, or at all interested in, celebrating Father’s Day this year, I propose an alternate holiday:
“Thank You for Not Being a Schmuck” Month.
Your spouse/partner/husband–whatever he is– probably does some things that irritate you. That’s normal, of course. And yet, even with those small annoyances, minor aggravations and colossal pet peeves that drive you up a fkn wall… He’s the one, the only one, you’ve hand-picked to have calendar-induced copulation with and to sire your future children. You know you wouldn’t have your eggs in a freezer, snuggling together for warmth with anyone else’s sperm.
So he’s not perfect…
Have you heard of “Give Yourself a Cookie” Day?
If the best part of Mother’s Day to you, right now, at this very juncture in your life, is the moment it ends… Continue reading
The Land of Infertility is sometimes referred to as: The Land of If. (As in Melissa Ford’s Book: http://www.melissafordauthor.com/navigating-the-land-of-if/)
In the weeks approaching Mother’s Day, we modify it further to: “The Land of ‘What Ifs’. ”
Those who are going through infertility are typically pretty spectacular at conjuring up “What Ifs” at record speed and this year, seeing as the blasted holiday known as Mother’s Day doesn’t occur until the 14th, we’ve had 2 whole weeks to create “What Ifs” specific to Mother’s Day. Well, it’s not such a big deal. After all, how many “What Ifs” can one woman with an infertile body but incredibly fertile mind create in her head in 2 weeks?
Hi everybody! In honor of Mother’s Day, please help me welcome Guest Blogger, James Doherty. He has a great blog called: Scantily Dad. (Just use the link below if you’d like to check it out. I tried googling “scantily” & unspeakable things came up. My home might be raided any minute.) He and his wife have been through IVF and here’s his unique & quite humorous take on it, & Mother’s Day…. Enjoy! (Alert: children mentioned)
Mother’s Day – An acronym for my infertility journey
To celebrate my wife and I beating the crap out of infertility, I have kindly been given the honour of guest posting for Laughing IS Conceivable. Humour is important for me and I had to try and find humour in the least funny of situations, infertility. The easiest way for me to do this was by creating an acronym that represents my journey through the IVF mill. This is no reflection on my mother or my wife, I swear, so if you read this Oli or Barb, please don’t beat me up.
The acronym for “Mother’s” describes our horrific journey through infertility and IVF. Those nerve-wracking times are thankfully behind us.
The acronym for “Day” is a little more on the positive side and reflects how we got through IVF treatment
M stands for Mortified. I was mortified at the fact that my sperm move about as graciously as a Walrus on land.
O stands for Ossified. Being a proud Irish man getting ossified (plastered drunk) was the only way to numb the pain of stopping my wife from being a Mother on Mother’s day. In hindsight, drinking could have been the cause of, and the solution to my infertility problem. Whoops!
T stands for Testicular Ineptitude. It is a sad state of affairs; my testicles are inept. My sperm is about as abnormal as an immigrant on Donald Trump’s board of advisers.
H is for Handjob. How romantic is it that for us to have babies all that I had to do was have a quick handjob.
E is for Ejaculatory dilapidation. Over a decade of eating crap, drinking like a fish and smoking like a chimney has left my sperm in a state of ejaculatory dilapidation.
R is for Ravaged Relationship. Our relationship had been ravaged by the rancorousness of assisted reproductive therapy. Thankfully, we made it through and came out the other side unscathed.
S is for the Shit times. Oh those shitty shit times. Two failed IVF treatments were the shittiest times of our lives. Anyone who has been through it knows just how shit it actually is. When you think you are having a bad day, compare it to failed IVF, and rarely will your day be worse.
DAY- OH HAPPY DAY
D is for Dedication. That’s what it takes to get through the shit times of IVF. You have to keep your eye on the prize. Seeing the bigger picture and being dedicated to the end goal is key to getting through infertility.
A is Appreciation. When everything is so hard and there seems to be no end in sight, it makes the good times feel even better. If you live each day in appreciation of what you have got, then you will be happy for the rest of your life.
Y is for Yes we fucking can. In the words of Barack Obama, with fucking thrown in as intensifying adjective, “YES WE FUCKING CAN” is the only attitude that will get you through infertility and IVF treatment. That attitude is the reason we did not give up and now have twins.
https://www.instagram.com/scantilydad/?hl=de Proud survivor of three IVF treatments, James was born and bred in Dublin Ireland and lives in Berlin, Germany with his twins Max and Mathilda. He is a dad blogger and an influencer that writes about infertility, twins and all things parenthood. The scantily dad blog is the ultimate parenting resource on the internet.
“Thanks, James!”– This is Lori speaking now. If you’d like more laughs at infertility’s expense:
Check out my own new bonus Mother’s Day post: “Mother’s Day in the Land of What Ifs”@ http://laughingisconceivable.com/mothersdaywhatifs/
Subscribe to my newsletter at the top of my home page:
Peruse my eBook: (Isn’t “peruse” an abbreviation for “purchase”):
Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman’s Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility.
https://www.amazon.co.uk//dp/B007G9X19A/ (Amazon UK)
https://www.amazon.ca//dp/B007G9X19A (Amazon Canada)
Available on Amazon, Kobo, & Nook
As the calendar turns the page to May, all infertile eyes can’t help but jump down to Mother’s Day. This year, it comes a little late: Okay, I’m not a total moron (not a total one). I know that it always comes on the second Sunday in May in the U.S. and several other countries. It’s just that it seems like it’s usually around the 9th, but this year falls on the 14th. All in all, over 40 countries celebrate Mother’s Day on one date or another. The Land of Infertility is one place where it is not celebrated. Or celebrated only when coerced into it and even then, usually celebrated half-heartedly if not half-assedly. Everybody in the world who celebrates Mother’s Day, celebrates Mother’s Day but infertile women: We “celebrate” Mother’s Day Month.
Infertility Spring Break: Spring Break for Infertile Women. Maybe I should pitch the idea to MTV. What’s hotter than watching a group of women in thong bikinis doing shots on the beach at sunset? Considering the type of shots infertile women do, both “regular” bikinis and thong bikinis would actually be quite practical.
Infertility Spring Break. MTV would never air it. Clearly women going through fertility treatments desperately need a crazy, wild, college-esque Spring Break. It would just be too disturbing to televise.
IVF, well, fertility treatments in general, as most of us know all too well, are costly: Emotionally, physically, and well… monetarily. Ah, infertility & finances. Infertility & money. Bad enough you have to go to all of those appointments and be subjected to proby things put up you and blood siphoned out of you. Stuff injected, swallowed, inserted or shot into you.
Now, on top of all of that: The damn treatments expect to be paid for.
So last week was sort of an introduction to infertility with a few terms and definitions sprinkled in among my usual smart ass remarks.
Let me be the first to apologize for the title. (Although I can’t imagine who else would.) I’m a huge baseball fan and rarely pass up a good sports metaphor. As for: “infertility virgin”– that oxymoronic or just moronic part of the title– well the need for that apology is self-explanatory.
If you’re new, or semi-new to this infertility biz, we vets welcome you with open arms to this wild, wacky, unjust world.
I even hate to say “welcome”. I really want to say “sorry”. But you aren’t anywhere near alone… and please do find some comfort in that. There are scores (would I have said: “dozens” if baseball season wasn’t upon us?) There are many many of us who are there and doing that or have been there and have done that. In fact, most of us have done that, that, AND that. (links to find more of your supporters at the end.)
And a lot of it is confusing—especially if you’re new to the fertility treatment game… There are some things I think we can clear up right here: