Black Friday actually brings comfort to women going through infertility I think. It’s what we wait for all year. Finally, finally other otherwise rational people acting like they’ve lost their minds. Holiday shopping is the only time of year women taking fertility hormones feel like just regular people in the crowd. And, as predicted, people from everywhere lost their minds on Black Friday.
The most disappointing one was the women in Michigan fighting over vegetable steamers. At first I heard the word “steamer” and thought they were battling over some heavy-duty cleaning machine. Then when I heard it was a vegetable steamer, it all just got a lot dumber. Apparently in the U.S., we take our nutrition so seriously, the very thought of someone taking our vegetable steamer makes us hostile… violent even. See? We all think of vegans as these Earth saving, meditation-loving, yoga enthusiasts. On Black Friday their true colors come out. People are ridiculous. How in the world can anyone get so riled up over a vegetable steamer of all things? You can drift off into a deep sleep just by saying: “vegetable steamer”.
Who even wants one? To me, it’s a no-win gift. Unless somebody kept telling me they really longed for one for some reason, I wouldn’t ever buy anyone one. It’s like giving them a treadmill. Nobody I know loves me enough to be okay with me buying them an unsolicited treadmill… or vegetable steamer… and I don’t want one as a gift either. If I got it from my husband, he does all the cooking so we’d both know he was really buying it for himself. And if I got it from a coworker: Too much pressure. “Oh, great. Now what? Am I supposed to use it?” They’d be inspecting my lunch every day from the next table to see if I’m using their present… Giving me dirty looks every time I unzip my lunch bag and they smell peanut butter. Who needs that?
Usually if I want steamed vegetables (which I never do) I just take that bag out of the freezer and throw it into the microwave. You know it’s done when you prick open the bag, taste a forkful and every vegetable has the same flavorless flavor. When I want to eat well and we get Chinese take-out food, my go-to is steamed chicken and broccoli which tastes like a punishment to me. It’s not what I want at a Chinese restaurant. It’s what I’m saddled with. I spend the whole meal feeling sorry for myself and saying to my husband: “At least yours looks good.” I’m the terrier under the table waiting for him to drop a piece of something with flavor down to me. If we both are eating well that day, there’s no point in even ordering. There’s nothing in them there cartons worth mooching.
So here are these women in Michigan getting their blood pressures up over a vegetable steamer. How very ironic. A deep fryer, I could understand…. More on that next week… Funny that I have twice as much to say about deep frying than I do about vegetable steamers.
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