My guilty pleasure in life is tuning in to watch the real housewives of wherever occasionally (okay, every week). My husband is conditioned. The second he hears the voice say: “Last time on The Real Housewives of…” out he goes. He’s perfectly syncronized. The very same moment the Bravo channel comes on, so does his jacket. He’ll sit outside and brave arctic temperatures, losing all feeling in his limbs until he can creak the door open and hear: “Next time on the Real Housewives of…” then he’ll count to twenty and come in, touch his frozen fingers to my face to show me how much he’s suffered and race upstairs to lock himself in the laundry room where the heat is strongest before something important on his person snaps off.
If you’ve followed any of these shows or similar ones you’ve seen a lot of fertility issues: On the Kardashians, the Braxtons and now The Real Housewives of Atlanta.
I watched intently as Kenya Moore who is forty plus talk to a doctor about her options. As was inevitable, she asked the doctor how all of these celebrities are getting pregnant at 42, 44, 46. I sat on the edge of my couch waiting to hear the doctor’s reply: She said quite diplomatically: “It’s possible that they might have had a little help.” Bam!
A woman’s fertility starts to drop as early as thirty. But somehow we all like to believe that that’s just one of a thousand things that the rich and famous are exempt from. There’s a concert that’s been sold out for months but looky-here, there they are dancing in the front row. Maybe they won tickets from a radio station. Maybe they diligently pressed “redial” for twenty minutes and were caller number 40. They also don’t seem to be concerned about their wedding venue already being booked. They met somebody in July, got engaged in August and that castle on that private island that they’re flying their 600 closest friends to two weeks later for the wedding just happens to be sitting there vacant awaiting their arrival. Their table is always ready at the most exclusive restaurants. No reservations necessary. (Last week we waited an hour for a table at IHOP. One may ask why the wait was so long. One may ask why we actually waited.) And of course, celebrities don’t have to worry about a minor detail like being too old to get pregnant naturally any time they want.
So is the answer: They can get pregnant at 52 because: A) They are in such great shape from taking spin class 8 times a day and feasting on kale chips that they’ve not only staved off menopause but spun and kaled their wrinkled eggs into pristine condition that resemble those of a 20 year old or B) They’ve used the eggs of a 20 year old donor whom they’ve snuck in through the back door under the cloak of darkness and the reproductive endocrinologists in L.A. are working around the clock to give them the same treatments as we mere mortals and most important… Most of what we see and read about them is utter bullshit and rightly so because most of us grapple every day with what to tell or not tell those closest in our lives. Who needs millions of Entertainment Tonight watchers all up in our ovaries? .. You decide.
For more humor at Infertility’s Expense, please check out my eBook: Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman’s Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility- icon to the right or http://licthebook.com $2.99 USD or Free at Kindle Library